Carlisle and Esme In Three Parts: Part Two
by Aury Lee
Summary: This is PART TWO to the CARLISLE AND ESME LEGACY. In this part, will the kindness of Carlisle and Edward Cullen rid Esme of her old past nightmares? Will Carlisle realize how much Esme loves him, and will he admit his romantic passion for her?
1. Chapter 1: Fire

CHAPTER ONE TO PART TWO

_ On the white throat of the useless passion_

_ That scorched my soul with it's burning breath_

_ I clutched my fingers in murderous fashion,_

_ And gathered them close in a grip of death;_

_ For why should I fan, or feed with fuel,_

_ A love that showed me but blank despair?_

_ So my hold was firm, and my grasp was cruel-_

_ I meant to strangle it then and there!_

_ I thought it was dead. But with no warning,_

_ It rose from it's grave last night, and came_

_ And stood by my bed till the early morning,_

_ And over and over it spoke your name._

_ It's throat was red where my hands had held it;_

_ It burned my brow with it's scorching breath;_

_ And I said, the moment my eyes beheld it,_

_ "A love like this can know no death."_

- An excerpt from _Ad Finem_, by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Fire. It enveloped my body- internally… and externally. I felt numb, though, and frozen. But it burnt like no other. My body was untouchable, unmovable. I couldn't feel myself, and that's what frightened me most. Nothing compared to this- pain. It was the most awful, terrifying, and most torturous burn that danced dangerously through my body- running in my veins- pressuring my skin to high points- certain climaxes where I thought I would explode.

What frightened me the most, was that I was in Hell, but I didn't know if I was there or not. Wasn't I supposed to be judged by God?

The fire in my body burnt my lungs, and the pain stretched on forever.

I knew there was something peculiar, though. It was something that didn't seem to right to me. I heard voices, and saw flickers of faces- and these voices, and these faces… belonged to angelic men- men that humans aren't supposed to see. Men I thought didn't exist in the real world.

Then again, I'm not in reality anymore- am I?

Why wouldn't the pain end? Why can't the misery be over with? And when will I begin that nightmarish sentence for my crime- suicide?

In the midst of the fire, I thought of the life I once had. I saw so many faces- my mothers and my beloved father. I saw Margaret and the children. I saw Charles, and the fire burnt even worse. Then, I found Ben's face, and it seemed to tear me to pieces. All my life, I had been torn, stabbed, ripped, and beaten. I was eternally broken- unable to be turned back to the girl I once was- the girl that I should have been, that I was meant to be. I was tainted, though, and I never had the chance to be that girl- the one that still breathed within me. And Ben- my dear, sweet baby. Those days, I had never felt more enlightened and joyous. I felt like I was cared for, and I felt that I cared- knowing that I carried a human being inside of me- growing, and part of me. Beyond all these faces that were both kind and cruel- I found a bright one that I saw through flickers of darkness- like moonlight shining down on me every few moments, or few seconds, or a few hours. Time was lost to me, now. The man who had been the first to make me blush truly looked down at me, and that's when I first had feeling of a hand in mine.

Edward Cullen stood by her calm body. She was lying on the unused bed in the upstairs room next to his. He moved to a chair, and studied her face.

She was very lovely, he realized.

Her dark caramel hair was in long wavy curls, and she had clear alabaster skin. Her face was that of a classical beauty- a Jane Austen familiarity or a silent movie star. She was full with complimentary curves, and her lips were very delicate, and every now and again, they murmured words.

Carlisle had gone hunting. Edward had convinced him to leave her side, and Carlisle agreed- planning on collecting some blood from a bear to feed the newborn. Edward was going to do the job, but Carlisle insisted that he stay, and listen to her mind- to see if she was thinking.

_Signs of life?_ Edward grinned.

He was deeply interested in her head, though, and he began to ask questions. He wished she could hear him, so she could answer him.

Her thoughts were troubling and miserable, he concluded. He almost wished he couldn't see the images of a man named Charles, anymore. She was projecting terrible memories that made him grimace.

Esme Platt was once Esme Evenson. She had been beaten, and abused by him. He left to World War II and came back- worse than ever. After another year of pain and regret, Esme left to live with a cousin named Margaret. The Robertsons, Edward added to himself.

Then, she discovered that she was with child, and when she had the baby… Edward narrowed his eyes sympathetically… It died a day later with a lung infection.

Edward didn't realize that her life was this awful.

That's when she committed suicide.

He stood up from the chair, and sat down on the edge of the bed. He felt very awful for her, and he thought about how Carlisle would react to the news.

As for the ultimate pain she was in, Edward thought, She says it's Hell.

"The pain will end eventually," Edward told her.

He searched her thoughts to see if she heard him, but the pain was hitting one of those awful climaxes again, and she was mentally screaming from it. He saw her lips spread apart in agony. No sound came out, but a slight whimper.

Edward remembered the pain when he was changed, and shuddered. He could never wish that upon anyone. Carlisle must have deeply contemplated changing her. Edward did have an idea of what it was like for Carlisle when he was changed. Carlisle sometimes drifted to his past when he would receive a letter from a group called the Volturi in Italy. Edward saw that Carlisle was alone when he was bitten, and he had no one to support him. He didn't know if he was going to die or live. He thought he was a monster- a devil.

Edward felt like that sometimes, but he never told Carlisle that.

It would almost hurt his feelings.

Carlisle never wanted anyone to feel bad, but when Edward read his mind sometimes, the fatherly companion thought he was a selfish creature. Though, when he changed Edward, it was for his mother- not for Carlisle. Edward's Mother knew there was something supernatural about Carlisle, and she thought he could save her son from the Spanish Influenza.

Edward never had that many memories of his mother, sadly. Some were forgotten over the change.

Reading the frantic thoughts of Esme's past in her head now, Edward was mesmerized by the fact that still remembered some things, but he knew that- eventually- some of those memories would be lost from her mind forever.

Edward her Carlisle come inside the house, and he waited for him. He listened to his footsteps up the stairs- knowing that it was beyond a human's hearing level- even too silent for a spider who lies close to the floor- listening to the vibrations of the ones who approached it.

"How is she?" Carlisle asked, walking swiftly through the doorway, nearly knocking over the door, though.

A corner of Edward's mouth lifted into a smile.

Carlisle's thoughts were crazy. He was beyond concerned for Esme. He really cared. Edward began to question mentally what feelings Carlisle held for this woman- now, a newborn?

"I can hear thoughts well- over the pain," Edward murmured, looking over at his face.

Carlisle's bronze eyes were dimmed. He hadn't eaten.

Carlisle found Edward looking at his eyes, and admitted, "I didn't eat. I only hunted for her."

Edward nodded towards her. "We'll have to take her hunting sometime, you know?"

"When she is conscious," Carlisle agreed, standing beside her. "The change will be done by tomorrow, I'm sure."

Edward thought about earlier, when Carlisle was in the room with Esme. He had slipped his hand into hers, and had pulled it to his face- his black eyes fixed on her grimacing, pale face.

"She has feeling," Edward told him.

Carlisle looked up at him, then laid a hand on her forehead. "Is she thinking about this?"

Edward nodded, searching her thoughts. In between the painful memories of her baby, she was thinking about the ice on her head. He grinned a little.

"She feels you."

Carlisle made a relaxed smile, and looked down at her again.

Edward narrowed his eyes, seeing another image of the louse of a husband- Charles. "She's thinking about her past. It's terrible, Carlisle." He hesitated. "She was married to Charles Evenson, and he abused her."

Carlisle's face became a statue, his bronze eyes narrowed. This is what the nurse was saying the other night at the hospital, Carlisle remembered. This was almost painful to him. He looked down at Esme, and wished that she would have never endured any of that.

"Then, she left to live on the Robertson farm- where you sent the fawn long ago- do you remember?"

Carlisle was deeply intrigued. "She was here all this time?"

"Yes…. And then, she had the child… and it died a day later from a lung infection…. Terrible." Edward shuddered- a movement that no human could see.

The planes of Carlisle's chest stiffened as he remembered when he had found Esme at the base of the cliff, the blood trickling from the corner of her sweet, delicate mouth. The way her arm hung limply from her shoulder, and how her beautiful curls were stained dark red.

He never wanted to see that again, he realized. He never wanted to see Edward with the influenza again, either. That's why he changed both of them. He couldn't see them in such a hellish state. He wanted to continue their short lives. They deserved so much more. No one deserved to die, although everyone should. But he couldn't stand by and let them drift into death. He didn't want to see their lifeless bodies lowered into filthy graves.

Carlisle still felt selfish about changing Esme- even Edward.

Listening to his fatherly companion, Edward narrowed his darkened eyes.

"I'm going to hunt," he told Carlisle.

Carlisle looked to the doorway, and said, gently smiling, "I'll have to fix the door, though." They didn't realize that when Carlisle had come into the room, he had nearly knocked the door off of it's henges- in spite of how gentle it was. To them- it was a gentle move, at least.

Edward shrugged, then, turned towards the window, instead, and jumped through the opening, catching sunlight of the side of his face. Diamonds cast off of his skin as he jumped into the 'forbidden garden', and marked his way into the forest.

The 'forbidden garden' was forbidden because it was a gift for Esme. Carlisle had forced Edward to assist him in building the beautiful place for her when she was longing for joy. They had gotten the idea because Carlisle remembered that when she had come to him with a broken leg, he had seen little pedals of daisies in her hair. They were not noticeable, but he rather liked it. He thought that would make her feel better- more herself, and more at home. Edward had told Carlisle that Esme claimed that she had lost herself because of her painful marriage, and Carlisle wanted to change that.

Little did he know how he would change that.

After two hours of pure silence and Carlisle protectively standing by her- she squeezed his fingers.

The newborn strength was strong- he was certain. She would have crushed a normal person's hand, but he almost- in a mysterious sort of way- relished it as she did.


	2. Chapter 2: Newborn

CHAPTER TWO

My eyes slowly flickered open, feeling cool air brushing in thick waves across my neck and my face which grew a horrified expression as I realized I was in a dark room- alone. I lifted myself up from the bed I lay on- and I moved quicker than I thought possible. Instincts spurring on the brink- rather over it- and I sprang from the cold bed, and landed on the wooden floor, my teeth gritting together at the 'creak' it made.

I hissed…. I hissed? I had felt my own cold air spew from my tongue between clenched teeth.

Voices beside me startled me, and I jumped, sidling against the wall behind me. I turned all around me- but there was no one there.

My worry intensified by that fact, and the matter that I felt I could hear every noise in the place I was in. I could hear floors creaking and the wind blowing into the room through the open window.

I ran to it, and peered out of it- careful not to fall out of it. I gripped the frame, staring at a garden below me.

It almost seemed to calm me, and for a strange moment, I stood and admired the lilies below. There were so many colors.

I began to question my own sanity? Where was I? Why did I feel so strange?

New realizations occurred, and I remembered a fire- swallowing me whole. That sent chills across my skin- thinking of it- and I knew that I was supposed to be dead.

This wasn't Heaven… and it wasn't Hell either.

I bit my bottom lip, and winced. I had already been chewing on it nervously.

"Esme," a familiar voice said.

I took a sharp intake of breath, and I heard the frame of the window crack. I jumped away from it- not wishing to fall out and die. Slowly, I looked at the frame, and saw my own finger imprints in the wood.

I gasped sharply.

A hand grabbed mine, and I jolted, turning around… snarling.

I had snarled.

I narrowed my eyes, and looked into the face of- the angel? One of the angels- the more glorious of the two- that had flickered through my mind like heavenly snap shots.

He was looking at me with beautiful, bronze eyes that seemed to melt into mine. His face was pale in the moonlight, and it was perfect. I looked upon him- utterly astounded by his beauty. He was Zeus- but better. He stood before me- putting the wonders of the world to shame.

"Esme- I'm Carlisle Cullen," he murmured.

I continued to stare at him- feeling like a wild animal that had just been discovered by a scientist. I must have been quite a discovery. I thought about the cliff, and narrowed my eyes. I committed suicide. I looked at my own body, and stared at my legs beneath the hem of the white nightgown I wore. My feet were pale. I looked at my hands, and they were completely pale, as well.

"What is she thinking, Edward?" he asked.

I looked up at him, lifting my eyebrows with concern for my own self.

A voice from the doorway of the room made me turn directly to him, and a young man walked in with mahogany hair, and a brilliant face. His golden eyes were visible- even from across the dim room. His arms were held at his sides, and he looked like a hunter- in a predatory stance.

I shook my head- frightened. "Where am I?"

The one named Edward replied- ignoring me, "She's extremely alert."

The Cullen- Carlisle- held his eyes locked on me, as he added back to him, "Her senses are heightened. I can tell."

I felt scared. "Where am I?"

The one named Carlisle gently touched my shoulder, and answered in a velvety smooth voice, "Esme, you are in a safe place."

I stared at his face- mesmerized.

The instant the memory hit me, I felt weak- yet so strong. I felt vibrant- like a bright red rose- and I stared at him for a long time- not believing my eyes.

The doctor who had touched my leg- and mended it. The man who had touched my heart for the first time I had felt that way, and had made the heat rise to my cheeks.

I blushed now, but I felt no heat rise to my cheeks- only cold.

In a whisper, I told him, wanting to touch his face so badly- to know that it was real. "I remember you…. Dr. Cullen?"

A smile of approval played on his perfect lips. "I'm so glad you remember me."

It was a stupid question- for I clearly wasn't- but I asked, "Am I in the hospital, doctor?"

He hesitated, then shook his head, his blonde hair shining in the moonlight. "You're in my home."

I felt numb all of a sudden, and my throat burned.

Why was I with Carlisle Cullen- and this other young man- in Dr. Cullen's house?

"Esme, look in the mirror with me," he murmured, holding out his hand for mine.

My throat continued to burn, and I grabbed it with one hand, and held his with the other. "Dr. Cullen- why is my throat burning?"

"Because of the thirst," Edward murmured from the corner.

I bit my bottom lip- accidentally pinching myself again. I winced a little.

"Are you all right?" Carlisle murmured, kindly wrapping his arm around me, grabbing my other hand.

I felt instantly comforted by his friendly embrace, and I knew that if it was there, heat would have filled my cheeks- nothing did, though.

He took me to a long window where a woman stood on the other side.

She was extravagantly beautiful. Her dark caramel hair was tumbled in long wavy curls across her shoulders, touching the tops of her breast. Her skin looked like rich milk, and the moonlight shined upon her- and she resembled an angel.

I was instantly jealous- struck with the question of this woman was, and why she was living with Dr. Cullen? Was he married?

Esme narrowed her eyes, then saw the two crimson orbs in the woman's face.

She gasped… and so did the woman.

"Her eyes-" I was startled, and I pointed the woman out to Carlisle, but saw her finger lift at the same time mine did.

Carlisle spoke in a soothing voice. "Once you fulfill the thirst in the next few days, the… red will fade away."

I saw Carlisle in the glass, too, and I realized that this was a mirror, and it was reflecting me- the beautiful woman with red eyes.

I was frightened, and nervous- all at once. I was happy because I had finally met Dr. Cullen again, but this was a new atmosphere- a new world. What was I? How did this happen to me?

"Carlisle changed you."

I turned to look at the one named Edward, and asked- succeeding at keeping my calm, a little, "How did you know-" I stopped. The idea was impossible. Someone who could read my minds- other worldly.

Was in another world, though?

Staring into my crimson eyes, and touching the smooth white skin on my hands, I must be- in another world, I mean.

Changed? What did that mean?- What did Carlisle do to me?

"What is… 'changed' mean?" I asked. I didn't mind which one of the gorgeous guys answered. I just needed to know right away.

"Esme-" I was tingled that Dr. Cullen was speaking to me, and I stared into his face in the mirror as he spoke. "Do you believe in the supernatural? Or immortality?"

I was intrigued by the question, and was going to say 'no'. I really thought about it, though, and I began to curiously look at him. "I've never given thought about it."

Carlisle and Edward exchanged glances, then Carlisle started leading me towards the window, gently holding my elbow.

"Edward, I'm taking her to the forest," Carlisle murmured at impossible speed that I could understand.

Then, he climbed into the window, wrapping his arm around my waist, after politely asking me if I trusted him.

I had to say 'yes'.

He was Dr. Cullen. I had met him when I was just a girl- the happy one. I adored him. I had taken in every inch of him then, and I was still doing that now.

He still had that beautiful alabaster skin- and I matched him, now. His eyes were pure gold, though, and as he carried me closer to the trees, my heart- that didn't seem to move- would have accelerated.

In the forest on that night, with the haze surrounding us, I learned four strange things a normal human being doesn't comprehend.

Strength, speed, hunger, and the fact that I was- to my astonishment- a vampire.


	3. Chapter 3: Mind Blown and Racing

CHAPTER THREE

Carlisle stood in the doorway between the kitchen they never used and the living room where Esme sat on the red loveseat- her fading crimson eyes watching Edward as he played Beethoven on the piano.

He was surprised by her calm. She had been like this for three days- a week after she learned she was a vampire. She had this state of relaxation over her, and although Carlisle seldom liked to interrogate, he was going to ask Edward what she was thinking. He almost figured that she was taking it all in. She had learned so fast, and was so confused, he had pitied her. He was gentle and as comfortable as possible with her so she wouldn't become erratic, and her newborn instincts would overpower her.

Edward was very cautious around her.

The first time Carlisle had taken Esme in the forest- to reveal what he was and what she was- Edward was a little hesitant. He had stood on the front porch- keeping both of their thoughts in hearing range so he could still come if she planned on assaulting his companion.

Carlisle smiled at the thought of her- the innocent girl he once met with a broken leg- attacking him.

Newborns can kill anything though, he knew.

Carlisle watched her as she pulled her legs up underneath her, and leaned her chin on top of her palms. They held her beautiful, heart-shaped face, and her legs were… Carlisle managed to block his thoughts from Edward… as he admired her 'perfect' legs.

Carlisle was hesitant, though. He was concerned about himself by the fact that when he looked at her, he remembered the hunger that had seemed to take over when he had changed her. It was only partial, though, but he felt that low rumble in his chest as his razor teeth had lightly touched her jugular. He remembered how he had clutched her caramel hair in one of his fists, pulling it across her face as he leaned back, his eyes a black abyss- only speckled with dots of gold. It had bothered him- that illogical side that had fueled the strength to bite her. Carlisle had succeeded in resisting strawberry wine, but he kept thinking- he still loved how she threw her head back when he laid his lips on the soft spot above her heart- like he had given her almost dead body enough power to do it.

He shuddered at the fact that Esme was barely dead. He didn't want to think of the innocent being dead, and he looked at her again to where she sat- perfectly content.

He didn't want to imagine her in any pain. When she was changed, and the fire inside her throat was choking her, it had bothered him- almost more than it bothered him when Edward had to endure it.

Her frantic cries and shrills still rang in a vast torrent through his mind.

Never once had he regretted changing her, though. She was starting a new life- now- and he was glad that he saved her. He never took back biting Edward either- his son, and his friend.

Esme caught his bronze eyes, and a gentle smile played on her rosy pink lips.

Carlisle smiled back, and drew towards her. "How are you feeling?"

She swiftly tucked a curl of shining hair behind her ear, and replied after a quick thought 'At least, I'm not so hungry anymore', "Better than yesterday."

He nodded, standing in front of her. "Yes. The effect this has on you will rub off eventually, but, as for your situation, it seems to be fading away much quicker than for a general newborn." He narrowed his eyes. "It usually takes several months for the newborn effect to wear off."

Esme lifted her eyebrows curiously. "I'm not quite certain how that works." She really wanted to know. If this was going to be her new life, she wanted answers. If she wasn't going to experience the full effect, she at least wanted to know what was supposed to happen.

Carlisle gestured to the spot beside her on the small sofa like chair. "May I sit beside you?"

His manner of a pure gentleman had been making Esme want to kiss him on the cheek lately, and she knew the blood would have rushed to her cheeks.

"Of course, you can," she answered, and he sat beside her, looking at her.

She waited, interested, for him to explain- or she just liked looking at his beautiful face.

_Oh, God, Esme- stop gazing in awe at him! He'll probably think you're going to stalk him with a face like that! _She told herself mentally.

As he spoke, though, she was caught off guard again by his perfectly molded lips that breathed cold air onto her face. He had a certain smell- a fantastic smell- about him- was it vanilla? Whatever it was, Esme loved it, and she attempted not to lean closer to him.

From the piano, Edward grinned… hearing her thoughts. If she knew, she'd been embarrassed.

Esme listened to Carlisle intently, now.

"A newborn's strength is so strong those first few months because the human blood and the tissue is still within their bodies. That makes you stronger than Edward and I because we don't contain that. A newborn will use up all it's energy- quickly to where it used up in about eight months- but in the mean time, they remain powerful…" he lifted his eyes to hers… "and _dangerous_." He leaned back, and Esme was admiring the clean smell of the fabric of his khaki pants.

_A little awkward_, she thought, but in spite of herself, she found herself softly smiling.

Then, she started to think to herself- as she had been doing lately.

_She was dangerous. Dr. Cullen just said it. I am dangerous. I am a newborn, and I can kill_- she bit her bottom lip.

Ever since she discovered her being one of them, she, Carlisle, and Edward had taken her into the forest, hunting. Sometimes- with her new speed- they ran to farther places where it snowed or where the sun was a glowing yellow orb in the bright blue sky. Esme realized she was faster than both of them, and she had almost been a bit proud of it.

Now, that she knew it was because she still contained human energy, and that put a damper on the competition.

There was no competition, but she wished she could have a little fun. She felt much better now, and her throat hadn't burned in a while. The last time it had was yesterday morning, and she had gone downstairs to tell Carlisle, but he was already waiting outside for her- with Edward by his side.

_I had killed a deer_, she thought to herself…. _And it tasted good_.

That sounded so funny, but Esme was taking it so seriously.

This would be her diet for the rest of her life- which was actually… all eternity.

Esme leaned back in the loveseat, pulling her knees to her chest, making sure her dress didn't show her bottom where she wore a pair of underwear- which- to her humiliation… Carlisle had purchased for her. He had purchased several pairs, actually.

Not that it was that big of a deal because he was buying women's clothes in for her all the way in Washington, so no one that lived in the small town in Ohio would ask why Dr. Cullen was buying women's clothes- with no wife.

Esme smiled at the thought, stifling a giggle.

She didn't feel comfortable laughing yet. It felt like she hadn't laughed in forever, and these two- although she knew Carlisle was making her as comfortable as possible- she felt like she'd be the odd one out. She had seldom heard the two laugh. Carlisle smiled at her- often- and Edward would give her some short and sharp advice while hunting- but she feared that if she had a giggle fit, they would both think she had gone crazy.

Esme wanted to laugh harder- but, now, for a more genuine cause.

She actually wanted to laugh.

Suddenly, she felt like the old girl- the young one from when she was sixteen- had returned from her memories, and along with it, came Carlisle Cullen.

She looked over at him, now, discreetly.

He was sitting there- with a medical book that came out of nowhere- reading it with eyes that scanned the pages- comprehending each word, yet quickly turning the pages. A piece of blonde hair fell onto his forehead, and she ached to pull it back, but she sat there- still- with nothing to do.

She almost wanted to tell them that she was hungry just so she could go hunting- just for something to do. She wanted to move. She wanted to talk- a lot. There was suddenly a lot of things Esme wanted to do all of a sudden, but she remained on the loveseat with Carlisle.

Edward still played the piano- this time, more slowly.

He had been reading into her head, and he realized what a filled up head it was.

She had so many thoughts- but they were much more positive this time. There was no abuse and no death. It was just her and us. He read that she wanted to go do something so badly, and he cast a glance at Carlisle who sat there- reading his book.

_All she has to do is say something to him_, Edward thought, and the corner of lips pulled up into a crooked smile. _Judging from his thoughts, he'd do anything for her._

_I wonder if she wants me to do anything for her?_ Carlisle questioned himself.

_On the dot_, Edward thought, amused.

Carlisle closed the medical journal, slipping his finger in and marking his spot. He glanced over at her, and she was just sitting there, staring out the window beside Edward and his piano. He studied her exquisite face for a moment, and he smelled that familiar smell.

_Strawberry_, he thought. _Strawberry wine_.

Edward chuckled silently under his breath. _Now, he has an obsession with strawberries_.

Esme and Carlisle both looked at him, and Carlisle narrowed his eyes a little.

_Edward_, he made his mind clear enough to read. Carlisle stopped. The boy couldn't help it. Carlisle was a little embarrassed to know that his thoughts about her were loud. He hadn't given thought that Edward could listen in.

Esme had observed both of their faces during this sort of mental exchange, and she understood.

"So-" Esme's voice broke the eternal silence around them. "Edward, you can read minds?"

Edward turned from the piano to look at her, and replied, "Some vampires attain… abilities, and I can read people's heads."

Esme was intrigued. "Can you read mine?"

Edward chuckled. "Can you name me an animal?"

_Carlisle_, Esme thought, but she gasped at her own self, and quickly corrected, _I mean, a grizzly bear!_ She would have blushed if she could, and Edward was grinning at her slight embarrassment, but a little repulsed about her forwardness towards Carlisle.

He turned back to the piano, smiling. "I heard that."

Carlisle had been watching them both, and was grinning at their conversation.

He was comforted by the fact that they were speaking more, now. It felt like death when it was so silent, and Edward was very uncertain about Esme's moods in the forest.

_We both knew she could kill- perhaps kill us, and that put Edward on edge. I had a certain trust towards Esme, though, and I felt that- with this trust- came a happiness that I had never felt in this home._

If Esme had a special power, it was compassion, Carlisle was certain.

"What animal did you come up with?" Carlisle asked- continuing the conversation.

Esme quickly answered, averting his beautiful eyes, "A bear."

Edward turned to Carlisle, flashing a mischievous grin at Esme, then looking seriously back at him. "That's not particularly what she said."

Esme felt her bronze eyes widen. Edward, no! I'll never be able to look Carlisle in the face- ever again!

Edward thought to himself, dramatic, and looked at Carlisle, giving him the true answer.

"Esme said 'Grizzly Bear'," Edward then nodded, then turned back to his piano.

Esme hissed silently at him, and Edward chuckled deeply.

Carlisle looked at Esme for a long moment- watching a little hint of anger leave her face. He studied the flicker of emotion as it transformed into a laughing look, and she looked out the window again.

He could tell that she wanted to go somewhere.

Carlisle stood up from the loveseat, and told Edward directly, "Edward, I'm going to take Esme out. We'll be back in a few hours."

_A few hours?_ Esme thought. What were they going to do that would take so long? They weren't go hunting, because she wasn't thirsty.

As Carlisle nodded towards the open doorway, Esme found herself gliding over the threshold with Carlisle slipping silently beside her.

Open air! She smiled. She had freedom at last, and she was going to spend it wisely!

She thought of something fun, and wondered if Carlisle wouldn't mind. She turned her face to his, and was momentarily distracted by that memory of his angelic face close to her leg. She almost felt his fingers massaging her ankle again, and she smiled.

"Carlisle?"

He turned to look at her, resting his hand on the trunk of a mossy green tree. He thought something was wrong, but he found her smiling, and he started smiling. "Yes, Esme?"

She looked as if she were about to giggle like a little girl, and Carlisle enveloped in her invisible glow. The strawberry scent was strong as he remembered her- laying on the bed- her limp leg in his marble hands. She had blushed, and when he had made a comment- just to make her smile- she had giggled delightfully.

Carlisle wished she would giggle.

She did- so softly. "Do you want to race?"

As if she were an professional athlete, she crouched into a runner start position, her eyes playing a game of competition.

Carlisle was going to challenge her. "Where to? You don't know this place." He grinned.

Esme thought it was kind of devilish, and she knew her heart would have accelerated. She challenged him back. "We run straight ahead. I hope that doesn't bother you?"

Carlisle playfully mimicked her, crouching into running position, his eyes resting on hers. "Pleasure's all mine."

Esme giggled, then murmured, "I'm sure you can count from ten."

Carlisle smiled at her little sense of humor. "Ten…" The tight muscles in his calves tightened as he bent up a little, watching her move as well. Her bottom stuck in the air a little, and he felt a little filthy for even watching it. "Nine." She stared straight ahead- determined. He grinned. "Eight."… She was giggling…. "Sev-"

Esme took off ahead of me, and Carlisle laughed at her childish cheat- taking off after her.

A joyous melody played from the keys of the piano from inside the house.


	4. Chapter 4: The Truth

CHAPTER FOUR

Esme sat on the loveseat, her legs beneath her, holding the book gently in her hands. She was looking at Carlisle's medical journal. She had asked Edward if it was okay if she looked at it- because she didn't want to be nosy or such.

The door to Carlisle's office was open that morning, and she- just guessed- she was being a little nosy. She walked in, and looked at his mahogany wood desk. She even brushed it, clearing off some dust behind a case of black pens. There was a dribble of ink beside it, and Esme wanted to clean it. She was going to use the hem of her dress to wipe it away, but she didn't want to use the dress that Carlisle had gotten for her.

She felt like a child- after Carlisle had purchased the clothing for her. She wanted to go to town, but she couldn't. Edward had told her that someone would recognize her. That's when Carlisle had told her that they were moving to Washington in a month.

She had seen the medical journal sitting in his leather chair, and she had to push herself not to sit in it. She wanted to sit in it, but she had just left the room, the medical journal in her hands.

As she looked at it now, she held the pages very gently- fearing that she would rip them. She didn't want to ruin his book. It wasn't her property, so she was going to take care of it. She already felt a little guilty for making them move to a different state. They might have been content, before she arrived- then she remembered it was Carlisle who had chosen to change her.

Thinking of Carlisle changing her made her think. So- Carlisle Cullen had bitten her?

Esme moved her hand to her neck, where she felt the very faint outline of a moon shaped scar. She traced it with her finger as her stomach tightened.

_I wonder how he bit me?_ Esme thought, rubbing the faint scar. _I wonder if I- if I cried out or something. If I screamed. I wonder if he had to place his hand over my mouth to keep the hospital from hearing me. I don't remember what he looked like, and I don't remember how I felt. I only remember darkness and fire._

The thought amazed me and startled me at the same time.

Carlisle didn't seem like a violent man. He was very gentle and polite. He didn't have the makings of a killer. Esme couldn't see that in him- no- not Carlisle. He was a gentleman, and she loved- she liked that quality in him. It just made him a good person. The fact that he was a doctor showed you how fantastic he really was. He can resist blood, and he loves to help people. Esme wanted to be like him in that sense. She hadn't seen a human being in a while, now, and she wondered if her throat would hit that awful fire if she did.

Esme turned the pages, eying a picture of the brain- it showed where the different emotions were. She turned to the next page that was talking about the female reproduction organs. She hesitated, catching sight of an image of an infant inside of a woman's stomach.

That picture depressed Esme, and she wasn't that certain why. She felt this overwhelming sadness rapture her mind, and it hurt her- awfully. She didn't even want to look at the picture anymore, and she quickly turned the page.

"Are you okay?" Edward entered the room, his arms folded across his chest. He looked as if he were scolding, but Esme knew he wasn't upset with her.

She was looking at him, and she knew that he had probably read that sadness in her head.

"I'm all right, Edward." Esme forced a pleasant smile. "How are you?" It sounded silly, but he just nodded.

"I'm content," he murmured, sitting down at his piano. "Do you understand that book?"

Esme gently laughed, closing it. Her finger still held the reproduction page, and she bitterly removed it, narrowing her eyes which were growing bronzer every day. She forced another laugh. "No. I don't exactly read into the medical field."

He chuckled, then sat down at the piano, tapping the keys.

"When did you start playing the piano?" She asked him.

He began conducting a beautiful melody. Esme knew it would have lulled her to sleep if that was even possible for the kind she knew she was a part of now.

"I began playing a month ago."

Esme was shocked, and she had a new respect for Edward. He could play the piano like Beethoven in less than two months.

"Thanks," he murmured, reading her mind.

Esme stood up, with the book in her hand, and she quietly left Edward and after saying, "I'm going to go put this back," she brought it upstairs. She started to step up the case, but she giggled at herself- taking off at 'special' speed. She laughed at herself- sure that Edward had heard her. Then, she- a laughing blur- was already standing by Carlisle's desk. She placed the book on the mahogany wood, then, she stood behind his it. She touched the leather seat, and leaned forward a little.

It smelt like vanilla. It smelt like Carlisle.

Esme slightly inhaled it, and, in a silly trance like state, sat down in the chair, gripping the red leather arms. She didn't grip it too hard because she knew she would probably break the chair. That would make a woman feel good- breaking a chair after you sit in it.

Esme began to wonder when Carlisle was coming home from the hospital. Early that morning, she had passed him in his office, where he was putting on his tie. She almost stopped, but only continued to walk forward, and down the staircase. She had sat in the loveseat as he had bid them goodbye, exchanged a few words with Edward, and then her.

"How is your throat feeling?" he had asked her.

Esme had noticed that Carlisle was in his doctor mode, and she replied, "It hasn't burned in a few days. Yes- I feel much better, now."

Carlisle had smiled at her, then added kindly, "I'll be back soon. Don't worry- Edward will take care of you."

Esme had smiled up at him, then, after a moment, Carlisle, after lingering at the threshold, left. Esme had watched him as he climbed into his truck. She heard the engine roar to life. Then, his eyes met hers through the truck window, and he smiled at her again. She saw his eyes glimmer with a kind of happiness, and she said, "Goodbye," and she meant it to where he was supposed to see her lips word it. He heard it, though, and he worded back, "I'll be home soon."

Esme knew her heart would have accelerated, and then watched him pull into the trees, disappearing into the early morning dimness.

Something about him just made her feel so comfortable- and Edward was very kind to her. She felt like she'd been with them for years.

As Esme sat in Carlisle's leather chair, her ears caught footsteps on the stairs, and instantly stood up from his chair- pretending to look at a book.

She didn't want Edward to see her sitting in his companion's chair like she owned the place.

She heard him enter the room, and she smelled the faint scent of vanilla. She turned to see Carlisle entering the room- not Edward.

"Hello, Carlisle," she said- keeping her voice smooth. If she was human, she'd thought it'd be a little rigid and shocked at the glorious Greek God that had entered the room.

He gently smiled at her, looking at the tips of her dainty fingers that touched the cover of his medical journal. He looked back into her eyes- which only held little flickers of black in the melted gold. "Good afternoon, Esme. I hope you haven't been bored."

"Oh- no," she told him, softly smiling. "Edward has been keeping me occupied, and the- medical journal. I hope you don't mind me reading it."

Carlisle shook his head, moving towards her, pulling his lab coat off of his shoulders, and placing it on his desk. "You may read whatever you wish."

Esme watched him for a moment- adoring his proper manners, and the beautiful smile on his face. He moved to his leather chair, touching the red arms, then looked over at her from where she stood, looking at his journal.

He grinned. "Would you like to sit down?"

"No," she murmured, "You have to be tired- being at the hospital all day." She giggled. "I'm not going to steal your seat." She also knew that Carlisle- being a vampire- never was tired.

He chuckled warmly, and gestured to the seat. "In that case, you can steal whatever you wish."

_There was a tone in his voice, but she wasn't sure what it meant._ Esme thought to herself. Well, whatever he meant, it would have made her heart beat like no other.

She smiled, and moved over to his chair- that she had already sat in but moments ago- and slid in, his vanilla scent revolving around her now. Carlisle moved to the other side, leaning against the desk a little- still straight- still being a gentleman.

There was a moment of silence, until she said, "How was your work today?"

Carlisle thought of one of the nurses who had been making crude remarks about his physique, and besides that, it was all right. There were no emergencies, but he had dealt with a little girl with a broken hand. She had dimples and short black hair. She was in a bad mood, though, but she was also thirteen. He had seen heat rise to her cheeks when he had bandaged her hand, and was a bit weary of it when he walked outside, and a nurse named Vivian had been… flirting with him. He was always polite to the staff he cooperated with, but this nurse had most likely gotten the wrong impression. He had left the hospital, and saw her standing by her vehicle with her husband, watching him.

"It was usual. I dealt with a thirteen-year-old today with a broken hand." He grinned. "Judging by her choice of words with her mother, she must have punched an innocent."

Esme laughed at that- taken aback by his humor. Even when he was being funny, he still sounded intelligent. He was serious, yet incredibly polite. Esme wished that it wasn't just kindness he had towards her. With the way she sort of felt about him, she wished for it in return- but knew it was absurd. He had just been her doctor at sixteen, and that was years ago when she was happy. She was, now, with her new life, but Carlisle was just getting to know her practically. She wanted him to touch her again- like he had when she first learned she was a vampire. As they had stared into the mirror at herself with the crimson eyes, with Carlisle's hand holding hers gently, and his arm- almost protectively- pulled around her waist. Her thoughts drifted to when he had changed her. She tried to imagine him biting her, but became slightly flustered at the images that projected into her head.

"Was the girl okay?" Esme asked- her mind back on track.

"Her hand will heal within two weeks," Carlisle concluded, opening his medical journal to a random page. He hesitated, his eyes meeting the image of the female reproduction system.

Esme sat in the chair- her fingertips brushing against the red leather.

Carlisle looked over the paragraph- labeling all of the sexual organs- then his bronze eyes focused on the image of an infant inside of a woman's stomach. It was formed fully in her abdomen, curled up. It was beautiful, he counted, and the page was _dog eared_. Carlisle grew curious, and he glanced back at Esme who was now looking at the book.

He realized that Edward had dog eared it. Edward knew that she had to know about her baby.

She hadn't dog eared it. She stared at him as he straightened his back, forcing a soft smile at her.

_Does she remember her child?_ Carlisle thought sadly to himself. _Does she know that… he died? Does she even remember?_ This upset Carlisle, and he shut the book, and slid it onto one of his bookshelves.

He looked back at Esme's bronze eyes who were staring at the spine of the blue book.

Would he ask her? This was a matter he wished he did not have to mention, but the perplexed look on her heavenly face forced him to move towards the subject. He knew it would upset her, and he didn't want her to be upset. He hoped she would completely forget, although he knew he would have to tell her about Charles Evenson and her dead baby, Ben.

Carlisle was always responsible, but he decided to push the matter for another day. Making a smile, he nodded towards the doorway. "Would you like to go hunting?"

Esme still saw the picture of the baby in her mind, and she shook her head, feeling the sadness come over her again.

She looked up at Carlisle, and narrowed her eyes. _Did he know?_

She wanted to forget about it, and she added, "Can we go for a walk?"

Carlisle moved towards her, gently smiling at her. "Would you like that?"

She nodded, standing up from his leather chair. "Yes, please."

He nodded. "I'll be down in a minute."

She smiled beautifully, then walked out of his office. His smile faded, and he sank into his chair. He was greeted with that wonderful strawberry scent, and he wished he could drown in it. He would have to make her sit in his chair more often.

His thoughts drifted to the baby, though, and he saw Esme at the base of the cliff- bleeding and moaning with a half dead heart.

Carlisle closed his eyes, pushing the memory away into a dark place.

Downstairs, Edward stood by the window, Carlisle's thoughts coming in tact with his. Esme was standing outside, sitting at the base of a tree, staring off into nothing.

She was thinking about the page he had marked for Carlisle- the infant page.

"Carlisle, are you going to tell her about- her previous life?" Edward said, for he had already heard Carlisle at the bottom of the stairs.

Carlisle narrowed his eyes. "In spite of how much I wish I couldn't, I am."

Edward hesitated, then shook his head. "Her life was horrible. I wouldn't want-"

"No," Carlisle shook his head. "She deserves the right to know." He saw her through one of the windows.

Esme was so content, and so lovely, sitting on the grass like that. Her dress flowing around her ankles as a wind blew. Some caramel curls tumbled from her shoulders, and he saw his mark on her neck- the faint outline of a silver moon.

He would tell her what had happened before he changed her- and he knew it would hurt her. How he wished he didn't have to, but she needed to know her life. He knew she was strong, and as he stepped outside, his eyes met hers, and in his mind, he heard that memory of his encounter with the sixteen year old beauty with a broken leg.

"Stay strong," he heard himself say in his head, and as Carlisle drew towards her, he imagined her making a leap from the snow-covered cliff.

He narrowed his golden eyes.

"Esme- are you ready?" He was really asking her if she was ready for the truth.

She stood up swiftly, facing the forest. He stepped in beside her as she began to walk, and with a short glance at the house, she began speaking.

"There is something wrong- isn't there?" She asked him.

He looked at her, and she saw no smile on his face.

Esme stopped walking, narrowing her eyes. "Have I done something wrong?"

Carlisle stared at her for a moment, shaking his head. "No. You've done nothing wrong, Esme."

Esme felt the sadness cry out inside of her again. "Is there something you need to tell me?"

She wasn't hiding that she was upset- Carlisle noticed from her voice. He was already wishing he could tell her everything just from touching her. He just wanted to hug her- because he pitied her, and he didn't want her to be in pain. He didn't know why he felt so strongly, and he continued in a low voice, "Do you remember… your life before I changed you?"

Esme hesitated, the image of the infant flickering into her mind. She remembered- through the fire that burned her veins- thinking that she was supposed to be dead. She remembered 'suicide' and took an unnecessary intake of breath.

"I believe… I tried to… Carlisle- did I try to… commit suicide- kill myself?" Esme's voice was almost frightened, and Carlisle folded his arms across his chest.

"Yes- you did."

Esme's eyes widened a little, and she unknowingly shivered- an invisible movement. "How?"

Carlisle narrowed his eyes. "You jumped from a cliff."

Esme looked at him, worry in her eyes. "Why?" She saw the baby again. "Why did I do that, Carlisle?"

Carlisle hesitated. "Esme, you don't know how difficult this is- just for me to tell you."

Esme grabbed his wrists- not knowing how hard her grip was on him. It didn't bother him. It only made him sad- seeing her so perplexed, sad, and confused- all at once.

"Carlisle… I need to know."

Her voice made him ache inside, and he slowly answered, "Esme- you had a child."

She raised her eyebrows, remembering 'Ben'. Fright began to take hold of her, and her rib cage seemed to be tightening. "What happened to him?"

Carlisle held her hands in his now, his eyes rested on hers.

The truth was hard to tell in this case, and he wished he could lie to her- but he refused. It wasn't right, and Carlisle felt as if he couldn't lie to her at all.

"Esme, he did not survive." He heard a low breeze that was her gasp. "He had a lung infection…. I'm sorry."

Tears welled up in her eyes, and she tried to distract herself.

"Do vampires cry, Carlisle?"

Carlisle narrowed his eyes. "We cry."

Esme lifted her hands- still gripping him- up to his elbows, and the most awful sort of pain rose up in her chest, and the tears streamed down her face.

"Ben," she whimpered- her vampire voice still smooth- but the sadness was unbearable. The tears fell onto Carlisle's hand like raindrops. "Ben!" She began to sob. "Ben!"

Carlisle instantly pushed her against his chest, his face in her hair, as she cried into his neck.

"Oh, Carlisle- Carlisle!" She wailed, gripping him tighter.

He ran his fingers through her hair soothingly. "Esme- it's all right. It'll be fine." Her tears soaked his blue collar. "Esme."

"Ben," she whimpered into his neck, "My Ben!"

Carlisle closed his eyes, holding her tighter. "Esme, please, don't cry." He hated her sobbing like this. He couldn't do anything about it. Holding her wasn't helping, but he was strangely savoring it. Her tears though made him feel weak.

Her cries had ceased, but she still wept into his cold skin. "Carlisle, please, don't let me go… please."

As she commanded and he endearingly obeyed, he pushed her closer to him- so close that they were one statue. With his arms wrapped around her waist, and her hands wrapped around his neck now, his chin was nestled in her shining hair, and her nose was at his neck. It was wet with her tears now, and she whispered an apology to him.

"I'm sorry about your shirt."

He gently smiled. "It wasn't my favorite."

He felt her smile in his neck, and he inhaled the strawberry scent of her hair, wishing that she would never cry again.

Esme was holding him- the man that she never thought she could hold- and he was comforting her- over something that she would never forget.

Ben. She had her own baby… and she remembered… very clearly…. She also remembered… Charles… and she hated him…. Thinking about him made her sick… and sore in places she felt weak and untouchable. She was angry at him, but there were only tears that flowed down her face even more.

Carlisle closed his eyes, holding her tighter.

That's when the rain began to powder onto the trees above.


	5. Chapter 5: Comfort

**CHAPTER FIVE**

As the rain beat the roof of the house, Carlisle stepped up the staircase, his white hospital coat hanging over his arm. His golden eyes were narrowed, and his mouth was forming a grim frown as he remembered what Edward had told him only moments ago.

"She's been thinking about it- _all day long_," he had told Carlisle when he had first entered the door.

Carlisle stepped slowly down the hall- his mind picturing her angelic face- smothered with pain and sadness. The thought made him feel an aching inside, and he soon found the closed door to one of the empty rooms- that he knew was filled with Esme.

When he had pulled up by the house, he had caught a glimpse of her face in the upstairs window, and she was staring off into the trees- lost and concentrated.

Carlisle knew it would soon pass- her… depression- and he was as understanding as any being on earth could be with her. The past few days he had sat with her in her room- speaking to her. He had even held her a few times. He had also watched her cry again, and he had never seen anything so sad in all of his years- for centuries. He had never seen anyone so broken- so hurt.

Seeing her like this- made him and Edward feel like the house was 'death'.

That day- while Carlisle was filling his shift at the hospital- Edward had tried distracting her by showing her how to play on the piano, but he had read that her mind was just filled with images of Ben and her monster husband, Charles.

Carlisle was not a violent person, but he knew that Charles Evenson filled him with a vile hate. Carlisle wasn't one to hate either.

He opened the door, and peered into the room to see Esme sitting in a chair by the window, her eyes cast on the floor. Her hair was wet, and her window was open. There was a pool of water by the window, and he realized she had been letting the rain fall onto her through the window.

Esme heard Carlisle by the door, and she knew he'd ask about the open window. She was going to tell him that it didn't matter because she couldn't feel it anyway. Not for the matter she was physically and permanently cold, but she was so numb- remembering Ben… and even Charles. She felt the pain in her body- places Charles had forced into and spots where he had beaten her. She thought about the pain of labor, and the reward all mothers would receive when the fight was over- the reward she never had. It was the reward she never got to held.

Tears streamed across her face, and she turned away from Carlisle as soon as he came into her view. He was kneeling beside her in her chair, and she saw the understanding in his golden eyes.

Carlisle was organized and smart, but, as he looked at her, he could not find the right words to say to her. He could not make himself speak.

"Carlisle," she began to softly speak, and he lifted his face to look at hers.

She was looking at him now, and he saw that her newly bronzed eyes were now dark again- two stormy orbs. Tears filled them, though.

"Carlisle," she repeated, "I'm sorry."

Carlisle shook his head instantly, and gently grabbed her hands into his. "Esme- you have no reason to apologize."

She shook her head, her tears falling onto his alabaster skin. "No. I should be, Carlisle. You and Edward have taken care of me, and I've done nothing return."

Carlisle wanted to tell her that she was being ridiculous, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings- so he only shook his head. "No. You shouldn't feel guilty about it, Esme."

Esme cast her eyes onto their intertwined hands, her hands tightening in his. "I know I've been a mess, and I know that I've made this house a sad place, and I hope you forgive me."

Carlisle lifted his hand to her face, and as an electricity jolted through her chest, Esme looked into his eyes. How could she ask for his forgiveness?

"Esme… you will never ask for my forgiveness." He didn't even like the matter that it seemed as if she were below him- asking _him_ to forgive _her_, and his index finger gently rubbed the skin beside her tearful eye. "You have brought nothing into our home, but compassion, Esme." He saw her pink lips turn up a little on the corners. "Your ability to love is beyond me, Esme." He continued, enraptured by the words he couldn't get out fast enough to say about her. "I have never met anyone like you in all of my years- and that is a long time."

There was a tremble on her lower lip- a movement that was quick and short- as Esme enveloped his words, and closed her eyes, feeling the wetness around her curly black eyelashes. Her hand touched his on her face, and she leaned into it- feeling a comfort come over her.

Ben still pulsed in her mind, though, and she felt the rain touching her skin again.

Carlisle knelt there, holding her face, and not exactly liking to leave that touch- even for but a moment. He willed himself to move away from her, and close the window. When he did, he heard her stand up from her chair, and move towards the doorway. He followed her, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

It comforted Esme, and she turned towards him, and murmured, "Thank you, Carlisle."

He smiled gently at her, then found her snuggled against his chest, her arms wrapped around his waist, and he smoothed his arms around her- her head by his neck, and his by hers.

As thought about Ben again, tears filled her eyes, and Esme squinted them shut.


	6. Chapter 6: Story and Leaving

CHAPTER SIX

Carlisle hadn't gone to work at the hospital, today. He had stayed at the house- watching her every move.

Esme was his top priority right now. She was in distress and hurt, and he would not abandon her for any reason in the world.

She was sitting at Edward's piano- tapping the keys with no rhythm.

Edward had left to go hunting, and after asking Esme if she wanted to join, she had refused, sitting herself down at his piano- confirming her answer. Then, he had left without another sound, and Carlisle caught that grimace on Edward's face, and he knew that she was thinking as deeply as ever about her baby.

It made Carlisle feel weak to know that there was not much he could do about it. He kept reminding himself that time soothes the hurt, and we may not forget, but we find new things to remember- _good_ things.

Carlisle wanted her to think of positive things, and moving to the piano next to her, he found himself thinking of a memory- so vivid now that she was actually here.

"Esme- you don't mind if I engage myself in a conversation with you?"

Esme looked up from the piano, and saw that determined look in his gold eyes- a look she was already familiar with. He was trying to make her feel better, and it was appreciated. She hesitated, and looked away- catching some hurt in his eyes when she did, but he still politely smiled at her. She was curious about what he would say, and she knew that when he spoke- all she thought about was him for a moment of time. She also knew that when he would stop speaking, she would think of Ben again.

Forcing a smile, she replied, "I want a conversation with you, Carlisle." She hoped it would last long.

The way Esme had said it put Carlisle at ease for she sounded so eager. He continued softly, hoping that she would enjoy this as much as he would. "Do you ever think back- to whenever we first met?"

Esme truly smiled this time- feeling as if a ray of light had beamed upon her. "Occasionally." That was sort of a lie. She thought about it _all_ the time- whenever he had mended her leg.

Carlisle was further comforted by her beaming smile, and he began to get caught in reminiscing himself. "I believe-" He sat next to her on the long wooden seat- "you told me that you liked climbing trees."

Esme lightly laughed, and added, "I remember that. You told me that-" She mimicked his voice in a sort of way- "sometimes we long to come back to our childhood memories."

He chuckled. "You remember what I told you?"

She nodded, carried away slightly. "I've always remembered you."

As Esme appraisingly looked up at Carlisle from where she sat beside him, he watched as some sunlight was cast across the smooth skin on her heart-shaped faces. Diamonds were embedded in her skin, and he looked down at her hand on the piano keys- watching it glisten with thousands of crystals.

"I never thought I'd see you again, Carlisle," she suddenly said, catching hold of his attention again. He watched her as she added, "And now here we are, and I never had any idea that I would see you in this kind of world." She smiled. "You know- these past few days- when I'm trying not to cry- I think of you and Edward- and how much you have cared for me." Her voice picked up more emotion now as she looked sweetly into his bronze eyes which seemed to be melting as she softly spoke. "Sometimes I think I'm dreaming, and I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up one moment, and… not find you again. If I was to wake up, I'd be sleeping next to Charles again. If this dream were to end, I wouldn't see you again…. Carlisle, if this is a dream, I pray to God that I never wake up from it."

Carlisle- beaming at her- took an unnecessary breath as she timidly touched his hands.

When their frosty hands touched, they accidentally pressed down one of the low keys, and laughed. Carlisle found that she was glowing, and he was utterly enlightened by her laughter.

He would never comprehend her ability to love like she did.

All of the sudden, Carlisle was pushed to the edge of fulfilling her happiness- to brighten her day- and he stood up, offering his arm like the century before- the manner never leaving him. Eagerly and like a youth, Esme linked her arm into his, but- as Carlisle was more modernized- he playfully flipped her onto his back, and ran through the open doorway, leaping gracefully from the front porch.

Esme laughed, and she felt a low rumble from him that was a soft chuckle.

She didn't even have time to anticipate what he was going to do next, and, clinging to him, he began speedily climbing up a tall mossy tree. She pressed her head against his shoulder, feeling the cold air wave against her face, and it was relaxing. The sunlight hit their skin, and they were two glowing diamonds at the top of the tree- staring at all of nature. Carlisle let Esme climb from his back, but was still a little cautious as she rested herself in the crook of a branch, her back against the trunk. Impulsively, he removed the hem of her dress from a small twig it had caught on, and Esme thanked him with an appeasing smile.

"It's so beautiful up here," she smiled, fingering a leaf.

Carlisle smiled from beside her, his left hand holding onto a branch above him. "I hope that you didn't climb trees this tall when you were young."

She mischievously smiled, and as he narrowed his eyes, she giggled. "Of course not!" He chuckled warmly.

Carlisle felt so good. He saw that she was happy, and that's all he wanted from her- happiness. It was pure and it was reviving him as well.

"It feels amazing up here," she sighed. "What is the weather in Washington?"

Carlisle raised his eyebrows from an earlier decision him and Edward had made one morning in his office. "We're moving to Wisconsin, because of certain matters in Washington."

Esme narrowed her eyes. "Is there something wrong?"

Carlisle remembered what he had heard in a letter from the ancient Aro- one who once sought to guiding Carlisle to natural appetites- that an Native American tribe there had recently dealt with a vampire from an African coven, and in spite of the fact that the Volturi had destroyed him, the tribe was still on edge about the ordeal. The thought upset Carlisle, but he knew that he and Edward and Esme were the only vampires who were using the 'vegetarian' plan.

As he looked at Esme, he hoped that he would guide her the right path to that appetite, and he knew that she would.

"Carlisle- how did you get changed?" Esme asked him suddenly.

He narrowed his eyes for a second- his mind drawing him back to London, and he saw his father preaching to a group of men with torches. He held the Bible in his hand, and holy water in the other.

_The crucifix around my neck was heavy that day, and I was the one that day to raise the torch- and it also fell on me_, Carlisle thought.

"Esme- do you know how many years old I am exactly?"

She hesitated, trying to figure it in her head. She couldn't find enough clues to figure out how old he should be. His manner of an old fashioned gentlemen made her think late seventeen hundreds- maybe- and the accent in his voice that was very faint and hardly noticed- made her conclude that he was originally English. "How old are you, Carlisle?"

He hesitated, slightly smiling at her. "I am two hundred-and seventy-nine years old. I believe I was born in the year of 1642, in a cathedral in London."

Esme lifted her eyebrows a little. "A Cathedral?"

Carlisle nodded. "My father was an Anglican pastor- and- ironically, Esme- he was searching for witches, werewolves… and vampires."

Esme curiously listened as he continued- staring off at the tops of the trees.

"It was a time of religious upheaval in London, and my father was the master of it all- encouraging his people to wear garlic around their necks and carry holy water wherever they traveled to. I was along side of him- assisting him- and watching him as he… killed innocents. My father had always listened to rumors of witchcraft and the supernatural, and if one person had been accused of such, they were annihilated."

Esme narrowed her eyes sadly. "That's terrible."

Carlisle solemnly nodded in agreement. "It was….. When my father became ill with fever, I soon took his place- his duty resting upon my shoulders. Instead of listening to false accusations, I made my own search for a coven of vampires after an accident in an alley near the clock tower." H narrowed his eyes. "A young girl had been beaten and slaughtered. The wounds were not that a of a human being- not even a raving lunatic. They were animalistic and strange. Recurring bite marks on the body like two reflecting crescent moves. I discovered that these were mouths- and they were the marks of not one but several vampires. I had made my warnings to the town not to wander in the night." He shook his head. "I didn't want another child to die." He continued. "I found evidence of vampires, and began seeking them in the sewers where I discovered a large coven of vampires- and with them, were several newborns." He rolled his blue sleeves up to his elbows. "I had demanded them to leave- not certain of what I should have done- then, they let me leave. It was unexpected and strange. Because I had been naïve, I left the sewers, and planned to tell my discovery to a crowd of men who at the Cathedral, but I was dragged into an alleyway by one who's face I didn't see."

Esme felt herself tense as his eyes darkened. She couldn't imagine that happening to Carlisle- a terrible nightmare.

"The pain was an excruciating sensation, Esme- you've felt it. I didn't know what was happening to me, and I had managed to crawl into a potato cellar where after three miserable days, I escaped from and into the forest outside of London." This was the dark corner of Carlisle's mind, but he sometimes thought about it often. "I hid myself for a large number of time, and tried to figure out who to comprehend myself- who I was, now. I thought I was a monster." He shook his head, and as if hope had shined upon him, he lifted his head, and looked at her. "One day, I found a herd of passing deer, and my bloodlust was so incredibly strong that I fed upon it's leader- a large buck. That's when I discovered that I would not have to kill human beings, and I only fed upon animals from then on."

Esme was taken aback by Carlisle's beginning, and she sat there in the tree- somewhat awestruck.

He gently smiled at her. "Would you like to climb back down?"

Esme hesitated, feeling another breeze wave against her, then she nodded.

As if it were natural instinct, and extremely proper, Carlisle moved between the branches, slightly bent over, so Esme could climb upon his back. Softly smiling, Esme wrapped her arms around his waist, and leaned against his back, her legs wrapped around his torso. Then, he climbed down the tree- face forward. Esme giggled, and Carlisle glanced at her bare legs hitched around him, and saw the diamonds casting off of the smooth skin.

Once hitting the ground softly, Carlisle raced farther into the forest with Esme questioning his destination.

She tightened her legs around his torso as he jumped from a boulder over a wide creek. As she expected though, they landed gracefully on the other side, and the scent of deer filled Esme's nostrils.

She had forgotten how thirsty she was, and she realized that Carlisle had decided to go hunting because he had most likely seen the black orbs her bronze eyes had become.

They stopped, and Esme quickly climbed off of his back, crouching low to the ground- her eyes catching the tip of an antler over a large, fallen tree. Carlisle crouched beside her, and watched her as she slinked through the grass that became shushed beneath her. He stared as she crept like a panther through a patch of bright purple flowers, and she turned her head to look at him, and the violets looked beautiful against her skin. She looked like an angel, with her caramel curls tumbling slightly over her face and her black, innocent stare piercing through him. That soft smile played upon her lips, but it shot away as the sound of the deer interrupted her thoughts.

As Esme continued to move towards the deer- which Carlisle realized there was more than one- he picked a violet from the ground and stuck it into his shirt.

Esme peered over the fallen tree, and felt her heart sink.

That one buck was accompanied with a doe and a fawn that sat in the grass, chewing upon a flower contently. The doe was standing over it, feeding on the grass beside its baby. The buck stood by them, its proud head turning from side to side- alert for predators.

Esme felt tears grow in her eyes as the doe tenderly licked the fawn's ear, and she whispered, "Ben."

Carlisle was instantly beside her, and his eyes met the fawn. He heard Esme slightly whimper, and the buck turned directly towards them. The doe nudged the fawn up, and when Esme murmured, "Ben," burying her face in the moss of the tree, the three deer took off into the green brush.

Her black eyes darkened though, and she leapt from behind the log, and pounced the stag that had hesitated, burying her face into it's neck. Blood pooled, and she swallowed it down her throat, her eyes squinted shut- tears mixing with the dark red. The stag was limp underneath her, and Carlisle felt sadness creep into his mind as she began to cry, her face buried in the deer's thin fur.

Carlisle gently lifted up Esme from the stag and she leaned into his chest, tears and patches of blood soaked his grass covered shirt. He held her tightly, comforting her as she sobbed.

"Esme- do not weep," He murmured, rubbing her back gently in slow strides across her spine. His old language was starting to get to him. It reminded him of when he had seen a woman in London in 1661- weeping over that poor child that didn't deserve the death she had been given- not offered.

"The fawn," she cried against his chest, "My Ben."

Carlisle held her close to him, his cheek against her forehead sympathetically. "Esme."

He knew that she was thinking of Ben, and that when she had seen that fawn- all she could see was him. Killing that father only made things harder for her.

"It's all right, Esme," he murmured, but she pushed away from him, her fists against his chest.

He stared at her, his eyes narrowed- worrying about her suddenly.

"Carlisle," she murmured, looking into his eyes after a long moment, "I can't stay here."

His bronze eyes seemed to melt as she took another step away from him.

Esme felt cold to the bone as she added, "I can't be here with you, Car-" she stopped. She didn't want to say his name. She tried to stifle the sobs that wanted to escape her as he looked at her with- hurt in his eyes.

He was hurt, she thought. I've hurt him.

Carlisle didn't understand, but her words struck him like a strike to his face. He was confused by her mood, but he did not take a step towards her.

She began to step farther away, seeing the confusion and pain in his bronze eyes.

Carlisle watched, the distance growing between them.

"Goodbye, Carlisle." Esme waited as if he was about to stop her.

Carlisle only stood there, his eyes narrowed on her as she ran away- a blur through the trees.

He didn't stop her. He wasn't going to make her do something she didn't want to do. He wasn't going to beg her, because he didn't want her to be obligated. He let her go, but as he realized the right thing to do, he went back to tell Edward that they would search for her.

Edward stood on the front porch, his eyes already wild with intense worry as Carlisle reached him, his golden eyes narrowed, and concentrated.

"She left?" Edward sharply hissed.

Carlisle nodded his head, standing in front of him. "I couldn't just hold her against her will."

Edward shook his head. "I heard that part, but I wish I could've gotten a better hold on what she was thinking."

Carlisle nodded towards the North. "She's headed in that direction, I'm certain."

Edward and him began to walk towards the woods. "Towards town?"

Carlisle nodded, picking up to a run. "We need to hurry… _now_."

They were two blurs in the forest, and Edward caught, '_God- what I do to make her want to leave me?'_ from Carlisle's head. Edward narrowed his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7: Cutting Strings and Come Home

CHAPTER SEVEN

I moved along the dim, lamp-lit sidewalk, stepping along the pavement- barefoot. Luckily, the hem of the dress covered them so no one would question me.

There was no one in sight, though. A few couples were walking together, and an old fashioned carriage passed every now and again, and then followed by an automobile.

I tried to be unnoticeable, my caramel curls in my face. My dress felt thin against me, and I realized that I looked out of place without a coat.

The very few women I saw were coated with fur, and sometimes, a man would turn and look at me.

I thought about Carlisle, and I felt the ache come back from inside of me.

I had hurt him- I had broken him, in a way. Tears filled my eyes- thinking of his angelic face with that flicker of confusion in his eyes as I had stepped away from him.

I just couldn't stay there- in spite of how much I wanted to. I felt like a monster there, though. I felt as if I was dragging them behind me like cans on a string as I cried all day long. I couldn't make their home so miserable and so loud with my sobbing.

The thought made me ache, but it was the truth.

I was feeding off of them for comfort, and I knew that my feelings for Carlisle were the opposite of his. I realized that he only cared for me as a guardian would- a caretaker and a teacher trying to show me right from wrong in a life that he knew so well. Whereas, I looked at him as if he were the better Zeus- the generous and patient brother that no one heard of, _but dreamed of_.

Footsteps close behind me made me slightly turn to see a group of four men advancing towards me. I narrowed my eyes on a brown bottle one held in his hand. They were all leaning against each other- whispering and deeply laughing. They were drunk, and they were trying to get my attention.

I didn't stop for them. I kept walking, trying to ignore them.

I was so stupid for coming back here where someone could recognize me. I can't go into a shop and hide because someone might recognize me _there_, and things would _really_ get bad.

"Hello, gorgeous," one chuckled under his breath. "Isn't she gorgeous?"

"Oh- you're looking mighty cold, sister."

"Maybe if you'll stop, I'll see if I'm hot enough to _warm_ you."

Tears filled my eyes, and I felt my hands tighten into fists.

If they try to touch me- God_, please don't let me kill tonight! Please, give me the control to stop!_

A finger stroked my bottom, and I sharply turned, hissing at the one who did.

The four men stepped back lazily, laughing.

"Oh- she's _feisty!_"

"Hey, Jerry- you'll have to get a rope for _her_."

I felt violated and frustrated as they advanced towards me again.

Suddenly, in a blur, I saw the outline of a familiar figure standing in front of me in flickering of the lamp light and I heard the men give a cry of astonishment as a low snarl came from him. Then, he turned to look at me, and I saw Edward.

"Oh," I gasped, "Edward!" Joy pulsed through me until two hands wrapped around my waist, and pulled me into a black alley where I pried at the hands on my stomach, and they easily came loose. The ice underneath my feet felt like knives and I slipped out of the alley, only to find myself turning around with Edward warning me.

"Esme- _stop_- I'll take care of him."

As my eyes met the man's, I felt my eyes tear at his face like daggers. "No…. I want this."

Edward grabbed my wrist, and I looked into his eyes.

He narrowed his bronze orbs, and I realized that mine had turned completely black.

"Esme." He was pleading me to just leave- forget about the man who had ruined my life.

I jerked my hand away. "_Never_."

Edward stepped away, then ran off, surprising me. I began to wonder if Car-

"It's been way too long, my other half."

I stared at him.

My black eyes must be invisible in the dark to him. My anger was pulsating through me, and I would not back down to him, now. Although, the fear I had always felt for him crept back into me as he slowly moved towards me- slightly limping.

His raspy voice was slurred as he chuckled, "You have changed. I heard you-" He grunted- "I heard you ran away from me." His face was just a foot from hers. "Why did- oh, God, babe- you got on… and you left me?"

_He _was_ drunk._

I narrowed my eyes, smelling the beer on his breath. It made me think of when he would force his tongue onto mine, and he would choke me with that scent.

The fear within me grew stronger, and I took a cautious step back.

"I guess I knocked you up pretty bad- heard you had a-" he hiccupped- "Daddy 'O heard about your baby."

Esme felt the anger rise in her chest again.

"I also heard that- that there was a bit of a mess goin' on, and you… the baby… had a bit of a mess, too."

He continued, and I felt my nostrils flare.

"I didn't want a bouncing babe, Esme, dearest- _I_ didn't mean to bounce, either."

His provocative words made my skin crawl, but it brought the purest hate I felt for him from the dark corner of my mind- the corner that I didn't like at all.

I stood up from the ground- easily- and heard the sound of a heart pounding.

It was Charles', and for the first time, he feared me.

I hadn't given thought to the way my face looked- unbelievably angered, hurt, and twisted with a determination… to kill. At the moment, I wanted him to know what I was. I wanted him to understand what I could do to him- how I could rip him to shreds, and leave them in the cold street. I wanted him to feel the pain that he gave me when I was below him. Now, I was stronger than him… and it was my turn to hurt. It was also a new game to play, and I began to slightly enjoy it as he crouched down in the snow, his hands on the side of his face.

As I narrowed my black eyes, and felt my shoulders hunch- the look on his face that she had never seen was deserved.

Charles was horrified of his prey, now that _I_ was the predator.

"Esme," he quivered, lifting his hands up- as if in surrender- "Esme, ple-please, b-b-bab-baby."

I drew haunting towards him, anger pulsating through me like a venomous energy. His smell was sickening, but after tonight was over, his slime would be wiped clean from the earth. He wouldn't hurt anyone else now.

"What-what happened to you?" Charles gasped as I watched his face flicker with emotional fear. The loud growl in my throat made his heart pound louder, and it made me want to hurt him more.

How many times would he have heard my heart pound, as he did those things he did to me- behind closed doors and without my word. He came- unwanted and painful. When he was through with his task on me, he would throw me into the wall, and step on me as if I were a useless doll. I was a puppet and he would pull the strings. I had no one to turn to, and no one to cry on. Now- I was cutting those puppet strings.

"Please!" Charles yelped, and I almost brought my foot down onto his hand- but I was already listening to the bones crunch, and it made me feel like a monster.

I stepped back, my curls tumbling over my face.

"You got scared, eh?" Charles lightly chuckled.

I saw the relief on his smug face, and I crouched before him- snarling.

He began to crawl backwards, his face a frozen picture of pure horror.

Before I knew it, he was sidling against the alley wall, gasping in terror, and I was standing before him- in predatory stance. Tears kept filling my eyes, though, and my stomach tightened.

"Esme, don't."

That soft voice sent a wave of chills across my chest where my dress had opened a little. I lowered my eyes, the tears streaming across my face.

"Esme- remember who you are… you do not kill." His voice was so truthful and so understanding, but my hate towards Charles was growing as I watched the fog escape his mouth in breath clouds.

"He hurt me," I murmured sadly. I made myself louder, wanting to scare Charles. "He hurt me!" My voice was a hiss in the night, and the people outside of the alley were so unaware.

I wanted to look at Carlisle so badly. I wanted him to hold me again. I just couldn't stand by and let this monster live- knowing that he did those awful things to me, and what he could do to someone else. He would say something about someone else's child.

I tightly grimaced, and moved my fingers towards Charles' throbbing throat.

"Esme- look at me…." His voice was kind and… it was just Carlisle. "Turn around, and come to me, Esme." After a moment of silence, he continued. "I'm going to take you home, and do whatever you tell me to do. I'll listen to whatever you have to say."

I listened intently to him, my eyes softening into a bronze. My hand was still near Charles' throat, and his chest was heaving up and down.

"I need you, Esme."

Hope filled me up.

"Edward and I need you with us back where you belong. You belong home."

Home. He didn't love me- not in the way I wanted- but everything I knew he offered sounded so wonderful.

What about Charles? I didn't- I couldn't let a man like him live. I've never wanted to kill or hurt anyone in my life. Would I refuse to hurt even a destroyer such as him?

"Esme- remember who you are… not who Charles is…. Esme, think about Ben."

I felt as if I had been frozen, but I felt softened- listening to the basic truth that spilled from Carlisle's perfect lips.

"You're still a mother, Esme. Don't let anything make you do this. This is degrading you, Esme. I know. Esme- Charles has his end coming soon."

I dropped my hand to my side- away from his throat.

"Esme- come home with me."

Slowly, my eyes still fixated dangerously on Charles, I found myself backing out of the dark alley. I glanced one to look back at Carlisle, to find him in a shadow- hiding himself from Charles' view. I stared at Charles, though, waiting for him to run.

I felt myself back into Carlisle, and he gently rested his hands on my shoulders.

Then, like a snake, Charles slipped quickly out of the alley, panting. I watched him slip along the sidewalk, and a man passing by him pushed him into a wall- disgruntled by him being drunk.

My fists unclenched, and I found myself leaning back into Carlisle- feeling awful.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," I murmured. "Thank you for stopping me." I was going to mention that I wanted to rip his head off, but Carlisle was not a violent person, and I felt that he would find it a bit distasteful.

His hands turned me to face him, and he stared me in the eyes. "Esme- have I been bothering you?"

My eyes widened a little. "What do you mean?"

His eyes fluttered a little, as he contemplated what he had on his intelligent mind. "You told me that you didn't want to be there with me- before you left."

I took a sharp intake of breath, and instinctly, wrapped my arms around his neck, and held him, squinting my tearful eyes.

"Oh my God, Carlisle. I'm so sorry." I shook my head in his neck. His hands held my back, as I whimpered, "I lied to you because I wanted to make a cut away." I leaned back, rubbing the tears away in one swift movement. "I just felt like I was a problem to you and Edward. I felt as if I were a stone- heavy like a burden. Carlisle- I didn't mean to be any trouble, but I kept thinking about Ben and Charles. I was so depressed, and I was only making your home miserable. I'm so sorry, Carlisle!" I hugged him again, and he gently pressed me away to look into my face.

Then he held his chin between his thumb and his index finger. His bronze eyes were melting into mine.

"Esme, you are no burden to us." He gently formed a wonderful smile that put the stars to shame. "You have a place in our home. You have a place with us…. Esme-" he slowly lifted his eyes to mine as he said this, and I knew my heart would have stopped- "Esme, I can't seem to function… without you there." He lowered his eyes. "You've been a new light in our home, and Edward and I can't afford to lose you."

I hung onto every one of his heartfelt words, and I held his hands in mine- wanting to go back home so badly now. I had a home.

"Esme- will you come back home to us?"

I lightly laughed. "That's a silly question! Of course, I will!"

I heard him chuckle as I wrapped my arms around him again, and he lifted me off of the ground.

There was no sweeter joy.

"Do you feel better?"

I looked at Esme- to where she knelt in the garden, kneading the dirt around a single violet. Her caramel curls tumbled elegantly across her shoulders, and her purple blouse looked… so nice on her. I loved that color on her, and I planned on letting her drag me to shops in Columbia- where I would buy her a purple dress, most likely.

I chuckled.

"Do you also plan on spoiling her?"

I nodded. "Of course." I leaned against the window frame, watching her as she lifted her face from the flower, and smiled up at me.

"Hello!" She laughed, waving at me in a swift motion. "Thank you for the garden!"

Edward grinned, and whispered. "She better be. I worked very hard building those walls."

I shot a comical glare at him, and he simply shrugged. He monotonously murmured, "You worked hard, as well."

I smiled back at her to see her returning back to her garden work again.

I wonder if she thought about me- and if she did- how much? I started to look at Edward, but he was already staring at me, his eyes sometimes looking at Esme through the window.

"Have you thought about mentioning you r feelings towards her?"

I narrowed my eyes- suddenly wishing that Edward couldn't read minds- but it definitely supported me by the fact that I could confide in someone without a single lie.

"I think I'm going to wait to speak to her about," I replied, lowering my eyes to the wooden floor. "I wouldn't want to mention it too soon to her. I'm afraid that I'll overwhelm her. She has enough on her mind."

A corner of Edward's mouth lifted into the usual crooked grin. "I know that."

I smiled at his mind-reading private humor, and added, thinking about her again. "I wonder if she feels the same."

I wasn't going to ask Edward what she was thinking. I had strict rules on respecting one's own thoughts. I had never used Edward's ability to know what a person was thinking. It was like intruding into someone's own home without permission, and it was wrong. Of course, it wasn't Edward's fault, but I wasn't going to abuse that power.

I would never disrespect Esme's thoughts- let alone, abuse them.

"Can I give you a clue, though, Carlisle?" Edward murmured from where he stood beside the window with me.

I was momentarily distracted by Esme's goddess like quality as she leaned over the flower, gently caressing the purple pedals. I looked at her beautifully curved body, and it ended as her… bottom lifted into the air as she bent low to the ground, spreading the dirt.

Beautiful.

Edward shifted a little, and I tightened my jaw. "My apologies."

Edward ignored it, and murmured, "Do you want a clue to the goddess' mind?"

I narrowed my eyes- my inner thoughts bare to him about her. I moved on, and replied lowly, "Only a clue."

"She cares, Carlisle- she cares about you."

I felt a smile grow on my lips as she lifted herself up from the mulch. She looked up at me, and smiled.

_She cares about me_.


	8. Chapter 8: Pearls and Pedals

CHAPTER EIGHT

I felt the cold air splash across my back from where it swept through the tops of the trees. Their wide canopy was green and wet with the morning dew.

I knew about that morning dew because at 4: 57, Carlisle had taken me up the tree again. I was able to straddle him, and bury the side of my face in his neck.

The sun had still looked the same in Columbia, and it still played with the diamonds on Carlisle's beautiful skin that morning as the sun rose.

Carlisle was concerned with the fact about my almost- accident in town, so we took further measures and left. I was disappointed about my garden- having to leave it, but Carlisle made that one of his top priorities. He would take me to the floral shop in Columbia and let me pick some nice, new flowers to start with.

The best thing about living somewhere else is the fact that I now have a chance to walk into town without having to worry about anyone recognizing me. I could also shop- if Carlisle would let me. Maybe I could take Edward with me.

I smiled at the thought, imaging the comical pain Edward would be in with all my womanly desires.

_Speaking of womanly desires_- I glanced over at Carlisle who was speaking to one of the men that were moving some newly purchased furniture into the house. I couldn't help but smile at him, and he turned his head to look at me- catching me. He smiled warmly back, and I continued to plant the violet into the soil.

"That lady- gosh- you might kill me for saying this- but… is she- she's your wife, isn't she?" one of the men murmured to Carlisle, glancing at me.

He was an elderly man, likely fifty-one, and I felt a little disgruntled. I let my caramel hair fall into my face, hiding my nervous grimace.

"She_ is._"

He said _I_ was his wife. _Oh, Esme- he's only saying that to the moving men. He doesn't really mean it._

I glanced over at Carlisle who narrowed his bronze eyes on the moving man, and the elder slowly slunk away- somewhat humiliated.

I lightly giggled.

I saw Edward standing in front of the white swing on the front porch, his arms folded across his chest. His eyes were narrowed into a glare- not as bad as the one I had seen him use that night against those men by the alley.

I realized that some of these moving men kept looking at me, and Edward was reading their minds.

I suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable, and I left my 'bending-over' position, and stood up, acting like a human.

I was falsely breathing as Edward and Carlisle were, and I wiped the dirt off of my skirt- not as swiftly and gracefully as I normally could. Throwing a sharp glance at one of the younger men who leaned against the truck, smoking a cigar, I narrowed my eyes, and walked up to the front porch.

I looked up at Carlisle who suddenly was in front of me as one of the men passed by, after secretly looking me up and down. Carlisle's blonde hair slightly ruffled in the breeze that blew, and, as if it were instinct, I gently pressed back down with the tips of my fingers.

My eyes suddenly lifted to Edward who shifted from his normal position, the corner of his mouth lifted into a conspicuous smile.

I dropped my hand to my side, feeling a bit embarrassed. I threw a smile at Edward, and shrugged.

I guess he knew now- how I felt for Carlisle.

As Carlisle turned to look at me, and murmured, "How has your day been?", I knew I was falling in love.

It wasn't a thought, it was a vision. I could see myself in his arms, and his lips upon mine. I could see our fingers intertwined, and me running a hand through his hair with his fingers through mine. I wished I could listen to him whisper sweet nothings into my ear, and I wished we could laugh together- amused at our own feelings that once tormented us.

If Carlisle knew what I was thinking, he would probably act strange around me. I knew he wouldn't abandon me, because that wasn't like him. He would be as polite and patient as possible, but he would never make the mistake of giving me the wrong impression ever again.

I did believe that Carlisle felt for me sometimes, but at most times, I thought to myself that it was his personality to be caring and compassionate.

I was only falling harder for him, though, and, flashing him an appeasing smile, I stepped around him, and swiftly walked up the steps. I slid past Edward and a few moving men, and, realizing I had caught several pairs of eyes, I seated myself in Carlisle's chair- watching the floor for a few moments. I tried to act normal, but the men kept looking at me.

_For Goodness sakes, that beautiful Greek God of a man out there is my husband! Let me be! _I stifled a giggle.

I started to move up and out, but Edward entered, and I relaxed myself. He was slightly frowning, though, and I caught his eyes as they flashed from mine to the men.

_Oh- God- they're thinking about… me- aren't they? _I thought, intending Edward to hear it.

"Yes," Edward tightly replied, silently.

I narrowed my eyes, and didn't give hesitation as I mentally gasped from an explosion of mind torrents, _Does Carlisle like me?_

It was crazy, and I rolled my eyes upward, realizing my mistake as Edward stared at me for a long moment.

That_ was ridiculous_, I thought again. _Edward_, _you were _not _supposed to hear that. I didn't even mean it_.How could you lie in your mind?

One corner of Edward's mouth lifted into a crooked grin, and Carlisle moved across the threshold, his eyes on the moving men who moved past him, and, then to me, where I sat in _his_ chair.

_Oops_- and, now, I'm sitting in his chair. _Fantastic_. The vanilla scent was my addiction, now, and I knew I'd be sitting here when Carlisle would be at the hospital- toiling away yet working his magic… most likely on the nurses. If I was a nurse, I'd spend most of my day dying to talk to him- never having enough courage, though.

Carlisle was beautiful, and not only that, he was incredibly considerate and kind. He had patience and understanding. He was…compassionate- a word that I loved, now. It was somewhat miserable knowing that he probably didn't feel the same. My God, I couldn't spend eternity, never having him feel the same- when he would always be around with me.

"It's like Chinese Water Torture."

Edward's voice from across the room startled me, and I quickly hissed. He only nodded.

Carlisle hesitated, then casually- in front of our guests- walked over, and stood beside me. I looked up at him as if he were an angel, and listened to him. He flashed a questioning glance at Edward who replied, "Don't worry about it."

"Would you like to head to town with me?" Carlisle asked me.

I nodded. "Yes, please." I stood up, as we both walked towards the door.

Carlisle nodded towards Edward, and murmured, "We'll be back in a few hours, Edward."

Edward nodded in reply. "Of course."

Then, Carlisle and I walked past the moving men where we met his black truck. He opened the door for me, and I felt chills as he helped me climb in, his hands tenderly on my waist as he easily and softly pushed. I watched him as he crossed over to his side, thankful that the sun had been covered up.

It was winter, and it was cold in Columbia. The sun was hidden most of the time, and when it would be revealed rarely, Carlisle, Edward, and I would remain inside of our home or out in the large woods, hunting.

Carlisle climbed into the drivers' seat, and cranked the vehicle to life. We pulled down the gravel path- which was supposed to be expensive- and drove closer from the forest to the square which started to come into view.

"I was thinking that perhaps you would like some new clothing, and-" he smiled at me- "some flowers."

I smiled happily. "Yes, please."

He nodded. He didn't exactly like her saying 'please'. He didn't want her to think that he was above her. He actually did find it a bit adorable when she had said it. "Is there any flower in particular? I would gladly buy you all the kinds you want, but I would like to know your favorite- personally."

"A rose," I answered, leaning back against the seat, comforted. "Although, I am partial to violets and wildflowers. I love daffodils too. I even like iris' and lilies." I giggled. "I guess I'm partial to everything."

Carlisle goldenly laughed, and pulled up next to the sidewalk.

It was a clothing shop, and my eyes caught a beautiful purple evening gown in the window. Of course, I would have nothing to wear it to, but I still thought about it.

It's short sleeves fluttered at the shoulders, and came down in a v-neck. The back of it was long and ruffled a little. The back of the dress was woven into the pattern of a rose. It was clearly beautiful, and it sparkled in the window like a star.

"I need to get something myself."

I nodded. "Oh."

He held out his arm for mine, and I eagerly linked mine with his as we stepped into the shop- greeted by a little tinkling bell.

"What an adorable shop," I cooed. I kind of wondered what Carlisle was going to get.

As an employee walked up to him- an older woman- she asked him politely, "Is there any thing particular you were looking for?"

Carlisle nodded towards a rack of pants- khaki, suspenders, and slacks.

"I would like to purchase a pair of slacks, and suspenders."

I lightly giggled, pretending to admire a pair of gloves. I had never seen Carlisle wear suspenders. It made me smile a little at the thought. I wasn't certain why.

"Would you like to try them on?"

Carlisle hesitantly nodded. "Of course."

The employee blushed, and a hint of jealous poked me as she handed him the two pairs of clean pants. He nodded, and murmured, "Thank you. Can you tell me where the dressing rooms are?"

She nodded, pointing a wrinkled finger at an opening next to corner that led down a hall of stalls where people tried on clothing. There was no one there, actually. It made this place seem spooky, and I comically shot a glance at Carlisle as he smiled cheesily back at me, and he entered the hall, then picked a stall. I caught him casting a look at me, then he opened the door, and stepped in.

I kept looking at the purple evening gown in the window, until I heard him murmur, "Esme?"

It was so silent that the workers did not hear, and, I crept towards the hall of stalls, wondering if he had called my name.

"Yes, Carlisle?"

I stood in front of his stall as he opened the door.

He looked beautiful with his Zeus-like face looking cute and embarrassed. The suspenders were hanging over, attached to the front but not the back.

"Do you suppose you could offer me some assistance?"

I briefly smiled, trying to act professional, as I nodded. "Yes." I stepped into the stall, and I bit my lower lip as the stall door clicked shut. I ignored it, and so did Carlisle as I buckled the suspender straps to the back of the brown pants.

"So, you plan on buying some nice slacks?" I made conversation.

I saw him smile in the mirror we both stood in front of.

"Yes- do you have any issues with that?" he kidded.

I lightly laughed. "No… but what's the special occasion?" I clicked the straps to his pants, and he suddenly turned around, softly grinning.

I smiled back as he murmured, "A man cannot have a nice pair of pants?"

I laughed. "Of course he can."

After a moment of exchanging smiles that made me feel as if I would melt, he murmured, "How do they look, exactly?"

"Not too shabby."

He smiled at me, and began to open the door to the stall. It was locked. He lightly chuckled, and I nervously giggled as he finally and easily popped it open.

I slid out past him, my back brushing against his front, and I left the hall to meet the eyes of the employee woman. They were wide, too, and I knew I would have blushed if I was human.

"I had to help him," I nodded.

She hesitated, the red in her cheeks bright. "I understand." Then, grinning, she walked back to the desk, leaving me in front of the most beautiful rack of gorgeous dresses.

I realized, catching the price on a tag, that this place was expensive. Carlisle obviously had money. I knew that, but I felt guilty by the fact that he was probably going to spend some on me today.

I felt even more guilty as I let my fingers look through the dresses, awed at the beauties. They were very earthy and soft looking. There was a white one that was sleeveless, and it flowed to the floor on a manequin. The purple one still caught my eye, but I ignored it again, looking at a bright pearl necklace in a glass case. I stared in awe at it, until I felt him move beside me.

I looked up at him, and sheepishly smiled. "The pants fit nice?"

He chuckled. "Yes. I've already purchased them."

"Oh," I murmured, "I guess I didn't hear you."

I tried not to look at the pearl necklace, as we left the shop. Then, Carlisle murmured after placing his pants in the truck, "Wait here for me. I'll be out soon." Then, he swiftly flashed back inside the shop. Some more people came in- a large group- so I was cut off from my sight of him.

_What was he doing?_

I waited about two minutes, and felt myself sharply gasp as he came back out with a blue velvet box in his hand. Smiling, he gently took my hand, and placed the box onto my palm.

"You can open it." He sounded so proud and eager.

Flashing a bright smile at him, I opened the box, and went blank for a few moments.

"I noticed that you were looking at it… and I couldn't help myself."

I shook my head, still struck. "You bought this for me? _Carlisle?_"

He grinned as I stared at the baby pearls through my fingers. "You like them?"

"I love them!" I started to put them on, but I couldn't. I was far too excited.

"Let me," Carlisle murmured, and he came behind me, and rested the beautiful pearls around my neck. Then, he moved in front of me, and smiled. "You complete them."

I stared at him for a moment, then lowered my eyes as two women passed by, whispering.

"_That's_ a sweet husband," one remarked.

I laughed under my breath, and I saw Carlisle's golden eyes melting into a pool of hot topaz. As he reached for my arm, we walked towards the floral shop where bouquets of roses and pots of iris', their smell already reaching my nose.

This was the best day of any days I've ever had- human and immortal.

Esme sat in the passenger seat, lightly fingering the pearls around her neck, smiling.

She was beautiful in every way. She was the picture of an innocent angel, and I was introducing her to a better life. I did not deserve to be in the same vehicle with her, but here she was, glancing over at me with those wondrous, vivid eyes.

"This day could not get any better, Carlisle."

_She shouldn't have said that._

Then, timidly, she gave me a peck on the cheek, and my knuckles loosened on the wheel. That was serenity, yet it was an explosion of love in my mind. I wanted to hold her hand in mine, and whisper sweet words into her ear. I wanted to kiss her upon the lips, and maybe, if she felt more than what Edward had mentioned- I might one day kiss her the way she should be kissed.

I was already expecting Edward to be back home from his hunting trip, and I would have to excuse us again so I could take Esme out to hunt.

We pulled the truck up into the driveway. I got out of the truck, and ran to her side- opening her door. I gave her my hand as she jumped out, landing in my arms.

This was too much. With her in my arms, what was tearing at my mind became so vibrant and it pulsed from within me.

I was dying to exclaim my feelings, and I was killing myself every moment to hear her say if she loved me, too. It was an outrageous emotion, but I couldn't help it at all. I was always thankful that I had control, but when it came down to Esme, I felt as if I were a sensitive school boy.

"Thank you for today, Carlisle," she murmured softly.

I smiled at her, my arms holding her still. "You don't have to thank me…. It was my pleasure."

She smiled- more brightly this time- and my arms left her as Edward walked up to the truck, reaching for the crates of bright flowers in the back seat.

Esme stepped slowly over to Edward, and murmured, "I'll probably have to wait till Spring to plant them. Until, then, I'll care for them in the storage room."

Edward nodded. "Do you want me to help? I mean- I'm not particularly into flowers, and I might need some convincing."

Esme giggled a musical noise that made me move closer to her. "Don't worry about helping, Edward. They're my babies, and I'll take care of them." She playfully elbowed him in the ribs. "I still might need you to help me plant them when spring comes around- all right?"

Edward smiled, and I knew that he already felt comfortable with her, now. "Why not?"

I grinned.

All this place needed was a woman's touch- rather _Esme's_ touch. I always knew she was special- from the time I had bandaged her soft leg to when I had changed her in that eerie morgue. As I looked at her now, she was still a vital importance that stood out like a dot on the horizon- only she was standing right next to me.

Would I admit it?

A ray of light revealed itself from a dark cloud, and beamed upon her face as she turned to look at me.

Her heart-shaped face glowed with little diamonds dancing on her smooth, creamy skin, and her beautiful eyes were darkened from hunger, and her rosy pink lips displayed a sweet smile that made me feel as if I had been pierced with Cupid's arrow.

"Perhaps you should hunt," Edward murmured, holding two crates of roses and lilies.

I nodded, and looked at Esme. "Would you like to start, now?"

She started to step towards the forest in swift small strides. Esme was a little short and she seemed so fragile yet so full. The curves she had were faintly and nicely rounded from her pregnancy that still showed in these soft curves. She had a complimentary figure like a perfect hour glass, and her caramel hair sparkled with no assistance from sunshine.

I grabbed a rose from one of the crates in Edward's arms, and followed her.

I looked at her now- and she was the sun- the light. She was revolving around me- her eyes taunting me with their irrevocable beauty and her beautiful lips laughing- a noise one could only hear in Heaven. Her voice was the tinkling of chimes- a heavenly choir, and it was a romantic melody it seemed as they ran farther into the core of the forest where Carlisle stopped, and chuckled as she hopped onto a log that crossed over a creek. He moved beside her, as she peered into the water, her feet balancing on the mossy log. She held her arms out beside her to keep her still, and a hard wind blew- nearly knocking the angel off of the log. As if by natural instinct, I grabbed her from falling, and she leaned back into me momentarily. Then, she murmured, "Thank you." She left me on the log quickly, giggling, leaving me wanting to hold her even longer.

She ran again, but I easily caught up with her. She laughed as she cut into a new direction, surprising me. I followed her, and I narrowed my eyes as she unexpectedly stopped, looking down at her knees.

A vine of thorns had caught up in her skirt, and she struggled in untangling it from the soft material.

"Let me," I murmured, and I gestured her to sit on the soft patch of grass.

She did, looking at me with those dimmed bronze eyes that grew black as I gently calmed her legs to where they straightened out on the ground. She was leaning up, watching my hands as they began to unwind the thorns from the blue material. I didn't want to tear her dress, so I worked as softly as possible. I felt her eyes on mine, and whilst pulling the thorns away, I rested a hand on her knee and gently squeezed it. I looked to see her response, and she was gently smiling.

It was 1911 again, and I saw her laying on the white bed where I approached her. At that moment, I could hear her mother's voice, but I kept thinking about the youth that waited for me to help. She was eager and sweet. She was considerate and thoughtful towards her mother who had kept scowling her. I had only focused on her sweet face, though. No thoughts of being romantic had ever entered my mind at the time because she was only a child- innocent and angelic.

Esme still maintained that beautiful innocence as I looked at her now, but there was something else in those darkened eyes that waited for me.

I felt myself pulse from within, and I swiftly pulled the thorns away, tossing them into a nearby bush.

Esme still laid there, though, continuing to look at me.

With my eyes still on hers, I pulled the rose out of my white shirt, and sprinkled the pedals over her as she started to musically laugh- hiding her face away like a child. I chuckled, and watched her as she took one of the bright red pedals into her hand.

I was eagerly anticipating what she was going to do, and I gloriously watched her as she kissed the rose pedal, then leaned forward towards me. Then, being able to be so sweet yet sultry, she gently tucked the pedal into my shirt, softly smiling. She looked me in the eyes, when she was done with this romantic task, and I felt myself leaning towards her ever so slowly.

Her eyelashes fluttered, and I felt her lips so close to mine.

This was love.

A noise from the bush startled us, and I instantly leapt up- positioning myself before Esme, guarding her from our intruder.

Wobbly and wet, a fawn stumbled out from the bush, and stared at me with large brown eyes.

I felt her hands touch the inside of my leg, and I peered down to see Esme, revealing herself from behind me, and sweetly smiling at the young fawn. Then, like a guardian angel, she crawled gracefully forward, the thousands of blades of grass worshipping her from beneath her goddess-like body.

As Esme knelt beside the fawn, and it looked up with her without being startled, she defied both Aphrodite and Artemis- the goddess of love, and the goddess of the forest. Both beautiful and sultry. She was a wood nymph with her curls in a bit of a disarray, and she was a love goddess with her gorgeous face and perfectly curved body. She was a mother as she gently caressed the fawn in her arms, and a princess as she held her head high. She momentarily bent her head down, and graciously kissed the fawn on top of it's nose.

I just watched her in awe, and drew towards her as she murmured, "I've let go of Ben, Carlisle."

I sympathetically nodded, and sat myself beside her.

"But I'll never forget him," she added sadly.

I then held her chin between my thumb and index finger, and murmured, "You don't have to forget Ben, Esme. Just remember today, and the wonderful things that will be coming your way." Our faces were close, but I continued, feeling enlightened. "Believe me, Esme. You have wonderful things coming your way."

She smiled, and tucked a caramel curl behind her ear. Tenderly, she placed the fawn in my arms, and she guided my hand to stroke it's back like it was a cat.

"It's all right," she softly cooed, "You're in better hands, little one."

I was mesmerized by her, and watched her as she lifted her eyes to mine. She sweetly murmured, "I wouldn't dream of being in anyone else's hands."

I smiled back, and I felt us pull into a sweet kiss that I was dying for. Lightning lit up the sky, though, and the fawn jumped from my arms, and ran away through the trees again where a buck and a doe came into view, joining it.

Esme smiled, watching the troupe, and as the rain pounded softly against us, I lifted her from the ground, and felt a loss as she ran back to the house.

I hadn't kissed her.

Next time, I would. Next time, I would take matters into my own hands, and it would be heaven.

We entered the house, and Edward was sitting at the piano, playing the keys. He glanced at me, and rolled his eyes, hearing of my loss. I smiled, though, thinking of those wonderful close encounters with her. They taunted me, and I kept seeing her lips in my head, a bitter sweet torment. Those touches, and watching those crimson pedals sprinkle her danced in my mind- giving me the sweetest ecstasy the world could ever ask for.

Esme pulled her wet hair away from her face, and laughed, "I'm going to go change out of these soaked clothes." She began to step up the stairs, and she added, "I'll be back, boys."

I watched her- looking at her hips that swayed as she jogged gracefully up stairs.

I heard Edward shift a little in his seat.

"Can you keep your thoughts to yourself?"

I shook my head, giving in. "Not about her."

Edward turned to look at me- his face in a tight grimace. "I'm not meaning to rush you, Carlisle, but… when do you intend on telling Esme about- your feelings?"

I hesitated, narrowing my eyes for a second. I lifted them again, joyfully smiling. "Tomorrow- after I get back at work."

Edward took an unnecessary breath, and turned wearily back to his piano. "Great. I'll have to hear her thinking about you- _all… day… long_."

I chuckled happily. "Does she think about me often?"

Edward grinned. "Are you going to break your rule- intervening in your love's thoughts?"

I shook my head, amused by his own humor, and sat down in my chair. Her smell that had gone from strawberries to roses aroused me with a different fashion, and I straightened my back, and quickly answered, "I only want to know this once."

"She likes your smell."

I lifted my eyebrows. "_Does she?_ What do I smell like?"

Edward chuckled lowly. "Vanilla."

I hesitated. "Does she _like_ it?"

"She drowns in it every moment." Edward conducted a beautiful score on the grand piano. "She can't get enough of sitting in your chair. She is always thinking- You know, Carlisle- you are going to make each other miserable if you do not admit how you feel?"

Edward admitted to himself that _he didn't know much about love because he had never ever felt it, but the relationship between his fatherly companion and Esme was unavoidable and obvious._

I narrowed my eyes. "I'm telling her tomorrow when I leave the hospital."

Esme stepped down the stairs in a light purple night gown with her pearl necklace around her lily white neck. She was _extraordinary_.

_That's a promise, I added to Edward._


	9. Chapter 9: The Answer & Running Water

**CHAPTER NINE**

I sat in Carlisle's chair- not the one near the front door but the one upstairs- in his vanilla scented office. Edward's piano was next door, and I usually found myself seated at the beautiful music-maker. I would play with the keys- assuring myself that no one was there to hear the awful ax murder of music.

Carlisle was working his shift at the hospital, and Edward was hunting in the woods. I was at home of course, playing pretend in Carlisle's office.

"Carlisle- I can't help but admit something to you-" I murmured as seriously as possible. "I just want to say that-" I rolled my eyes upward. "_You know something, Esme? _You should have said this yesterday rather than having to worry about it today."

It was true. Waiting was just _killing_ me. I would try to relax by sinking into his leather chair, but I smelled the vanilla, and it reminded me of yesterday. I loved how he had sprinkled those rose pedals from above me. I loved how he untangled the thorns from my skirt. I had seen our lips get so close, then pull apart. I adored how he had caught me on that log. I had seen the look in his eyes as he had watched me caress the little fawn. He had looked at me as if I was- I just didn't know. It was good look for him, though, and I was practically drowning in his gaze.

To be looked upon by him, I felt as if he were a king, and I was a peasant, but he had looked at me as if I were royalty herself.

Now- I wanted us to collapse together. I wanted to be kissed… _for the first time_.

I gripped the arms of his chair, and pulled my knees up to my chest- feeling like a young girl in his large chair. I didn't feel little, anymore, though.

Being part of this new family, I felt important and _loved_.

I had started to love Edward as a brother, but Carlisle- it was once a love a professor would have for a student- but now, I hoped, that it was as man to woman. I longed for the raw, unyielding romance that I so wanted only Carlisle to provide for me.

I missed him now. I greatly envied those nurses who probably crowded around him twenty four- seven like vultures on a dead animal.

Carlisle felt something for me, though. I knew it, but I was a bit uncertain. I had to know. I had to hear him say it, though. I couldn't combine all the hints to form a solution. I wanted to hear it come from his own lips- his feelings for me.

I believed it was there- the feeling that I wanted from him. Mine was here, and it was waiting with open arms for him- no matter how long it took. I wished it would happen soon, though.

Would I ask for Edward's support? I mean- he already knew how I felt about Carlisle. Could I possibly confide in him about… my problem? I really wouldn't have to speak a word to Edward, he could just read my mine. I was bad at putting things into words- things that important and that big to me. I just didn't want Edward to feel awkward.

The sound of a door clicking open made me jolt out of Carlisle's office, down the long corridor-like hall, down the next hall, then down the staircase, to where Edward stood, already waiting for me. I slowed down, and folded my arms across my chest.

"You heard me?" I asked nervously.

Edward sheepishly grinned. "Sorry, but your thoughts _are_ a bit loud."

I narrowed my eyes, and fell into Carlisle's cushioned chair, the vanilla scent drowning me. "You know, don't you? How I feel about him?"

He nodded, and sat on the lower step of the staircase, resting his hands on his knees. "Yes."

I hesitated, trying to think of how to say this. Oh- I didn't have to say.

So everything on my mind was laid out in front of Edward like an essay and I knew he was reading it quickly.

"Like I would have to read your mind- you and Carlisle," Edward grunted.

I stared at him for a second, and whispered, "Carlisle?"

Edward smiled a half crooked smile, and I knew that he had me in his lock. He was going to enjoy this greatly.

"Does Carlisle think about it, too?"

Edward shrugged. "What do you mean?"

I rolled my eyes. "Edward- _me_."

He comically arched an eyebrow. "You- what? What exactly are you meaning to say?"

I dramatically sighed, and gripped the arms of the chair. "Edward, please."

I thought the words in my mind so hard I thought I would explode.

"Esme- have you given thought that you should not intrude into someone's mind- especially Carlisle's?" he groaned, yet relaxing himself- amused by his little game.

I narrowed my eyes- frustrated a little. "Edward- for God's sake- I love him!"

He raised himself from the steps, and gestured towards the doorway. "Why don't you tell him that? He's getting out of his truck right now." he hesitated, before going upstairs, and worriedly murmured, "He needs you."

I was concerned with his tone of voice, and I asked, "What's wrong?"

Edward hesitated. "A young woman died in the hospital today from a shooting." he narrowed his eyes. "Her husband was distraught."

I narrowed my eyes- the depressing image of a sobbing man with a pale body in his arms. I bit my bottom lip, and watched Carlisle through the window as he leaned against one of the columns of the front porch.

He needed me, Edward had said.

I got out of his chair, and walked outside, meeting his golden eyes, and tenderly smiling.

"Hello, Carlisle." My voice came out smooth, at least.

He smiled gently back. "How are you, Esme?"

I hesitated. "I'm fine." I stepped next to him, and thought of what else to say. "What about you?"

Carlisle's glorious face became frozen into a statue of certain distress, and he replied, "It's been a long day."

I hesitantly hopped down from the front porch, and looked up at him from below. I forced a warm smile filled with sympathy, and murmured, "Do you want to go for a walk with me?"

Carlisle looked down at me, and his warm smile broke his statue state. He hopped down, and stood beside me, looking at me. Throwing him a gentle look, I began to walk towards the trees, and he remained silent beside me.

After what seemed like an hour of walking through the trees, I noticed that Carlisle was pacing, and I murmured, hoping to make him feel better. "I'm wearing the pearls." I lightly touched the sparkling necklace around my neck, and he proudly smiled.

"I'm glad you like them."

"I love them."

He lightly chuckled, and gave me a single stride of a rub on my back. Chills ran in a wave over my skin, but I acted as if nothing had happened as we continued into the green trees- the damp leaves silently crunching beneath us.

"Carlisle-" I murmured, narrowing my eyes. "What happened today at the hospital?" I stopped, and he did, too.

Carlisle hesitated, and shook his head. "What happens across the world every day." He started to walk again, and I slowly followed.

"I've been through centuries of death, and I have seen a vast reality that has shown me beautiful things but… terrible things." His voice sounded so hard, and it saddened me.

We both stopped on a large patch of soft grass, and I looked over to see the familiar crimson rose pedals by a thorny tree beside us.

Carlisle continued, though, slowly, "A woman died today. She had been shot in the chest, and the abdomen- seven times."

I felt my stomach tighten, and I didn't want to imagine that.

"Today, I had watched her die… in her husband's arms." He glanced away, narrowing his dimmed bronze eyes. "It was one of the worst things I had ever seen in all of my years, Esme."

"I can't imagine," I sadly murmured, casting my eyes down to the green ground.

"Esme, I saw _you_ when I looked at that woman, and I felt as if I had been stabbed to the chest." His voice was frozen and cold. "It reminded me of when I found you at the base of the snow-covered cliff…. Esme, I have never cared for someone more than I do for you."

I stared at him, feeling my eyes glisten.

"When I picked you up, and held you as you… bled, I told myself that I would never forgive myself if I let you die." He shook his head. "Even seeing you laying in that morgue with the dead, it made me feel as if _I _was going to die." His hard frown softened, as he murmured tenderly, "Hearing your heart flutter was music to me when I became nearer to you. The blood was slowly leaving your face, and time was running away from me. I remembered you when you came to me with a broken leg, and I still see that youthful gaze in your eyes now." Then, he held my chin with his thumb and his index finger, warmly smiling upon me. "I still see that, now… and I never want to see that go away."

I knew my heart would have accelerated if it still could, but if that was possible, I would have a heart attack.

"Esme- before I changed you, I wondered if I was making the right choice, and, when you whispered my name, I knew that was my answer." He shook his head, amazed. "For a long time, I've been contemplating it, and now, I realize the real answer."

A tear trickled over my cheek. "What's that, Carlisle?"

He wiped away the tear with his thumb, and murmured softly, "You."

_The happiness in the world? _This was _it._

"Esme, you are my answer. You always have been, and you always will be. There is no one else but you, and it will always be you. You are my angel, my God-send." He held my face in his hands, and whispered, "I might get credit for even loving you." He narrowed his eyes, suddenly.

"I only wanted to know- and you have to give me the correct answer-" he hesitated- "Do you love me?"

I felt my body break out into invisible trembles, and I snuggled myself in his chest, kissing the fabric of his blue shirt above his frozen heart. "Does _that give you an answer?" I giggled as his lips brushed against my forehead._

_He lightly chuckled, and swept me off of the ground. He brought his face close to mine, and I joyously inhaled the vanilla scent on his cold breath. _

"_Esme- will you let me-" he paused, his bronze eyes looking so innocent- "will you let me… kiss you? If you don't want me to, you must tell me right away. I'll obey you, and if you don't feel comfortable, then-"_

_I giggled, and pulled his face to mine, and our lips molded together- a perfect match._

_It was a kiss- an innocent, simple one- but it became much more, and I ran my hands through his blonde hair, and he held my backside with his hands._

_Either way- it was my first kiss, and this was my favorite moment of my whole life._

_I felt his lips smile against mine, though, and it was beautiful, seeing his face so close as it was, now._

_Our lips slowly parted, and, with me still in his arms, he walked over to patch of old rose pedals, and, after placing his white doctor's coat on the ground, he laid me upon it. He smiled from above me, and kissed me again- this time, more passionately. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him to the ground with me._

_It was unyielding, and it was beautiful. It was love that people only dreamt of- love I never knew existed. It was something that I believed would never happen to me._

_We laid beside each other momentarily, until I lingered above him, and kissed him again._

_I heard him lightly growl, and it was only a further drive that made me want to stay with him- permanently frozen together into one beautiful marble statue. _

_I watched as his hand grabbed a fistful of rose pedals, and lifting it above me, he sprinkled them upon us both. I giggled, and he leaned up, and kissed me again- more lovingly._

_He pulled away, though, and gave me soft tender kisses beneath my jaw that made me feel like I would faint. I closed my eyes as his kisses trailed from my forehead to my collarbone where his crescent mark still faintly lingered upon the pale patch of skin._

"_Kiss me," I whispered, as his face hung above mine. Eagerly, our lips pressed tenderly against one another again, and our tongues played an animalistic game of love._

_As drops of rain met us, he leaned up, and I released my desperate grip of his shirt collar. I held his waist, and stood up with him. He lifted his jacket from the ground, and wiped some grass off. He wrapped it around me, and kissed me gently on my neck again, then on my forehead. _

_We stood against each other, and I yearned for another passionate kiss. He wrapped his arms around my back, and pulled me up against him. He leaned down and continued to kiss me along my neck. Then, I pressed up, and caught his lips in mine. He warmly chuckled, and ran his hands through my hair._

_I felt the sunlight peer through the canopy of the trees, crashing through the sheet of misty rain, and beaming upon Carlisle and I. The diamonds danced on his face, and his eyes glowed. He smiled, staring me in the eyes._

_I could see my reflection in his topaz orbs, and I saw the darkness of my own. My eyes were completely black._

_Oh, God- I hope he didn't think I was lusting shamefully after him._

_I was a bit embarrassed, and I buried my face in his chest._

_He ran his hands down my back, touching my bottom, then sliding underneath my thighs. He pulled them up around his torso, then kept his arms around my waist as we began to walk past the trees back to the house._

_I felt so little in his strong arms, and I snuggled myself closer to his chest. I then, buried my face in his neck, and I heard him inhale my smell. I held him tighter, and he pulled me closer to him. _

_I felt as if I was throbbing, and I massaged his back from where my hands grappled his shoulders._

_I realized that we were not going home as the sound of a running water met my ears. I turned my head a little to see a flowing river and a small sandy shore where twigs and rocks sat. The water was clear, and I could see the colorful pebbles at the bottom. There was a small waterfall, too, and it was so peaceful._

_The place was beautiful, and I wanted it to be a new refuge- for Carlisle and I, now._

_He sat down, his feet in the water, with me in between his legs. His hands were wrapped around me, and holding mine. _

_He continued to nip at my jawbone, and I tenderly played with his soft, pale fingers. Occasionally, I kissed them, and then, he would kiss mine for me._

_The rain continued to fall in a light mist all around us, and my hair was wet. He rubbed his nose in it, making me giggle, and I leaned back into him. He would occasionally wring the rain water out of my skirt, then he would caress my legs as if he was my doctor again, and I was a young girl. He began to massage my foot in his hands, and I watched him, feeling as if I was glowing._

_He looked like an angel, occasionally throwing me these innocent, gorgeous glances that made me feel a bit dizzy. _

_Then, I began to play in the water, often splashing water onto him. He chuckled, but grew worried as I fell into the water, beneath the surface. I was still laughing though, my eyes adjusting underneath the water. His hands gently grabbed mine, and pulled me up beyond the surface._

"_Look at me, Esme," he whispered._

_I couldn't help but smile._

_He took a sharp intake of breath. "I see heaven each time you smile." His eyes glowed. "I never thought that was possible."_

_I kissed his nose. "I never thought you were possible."_

_He smiled gently, pulling me with him into the deeper depths of the river. He still held me in his arms, and he easily danced in a small circle. I laughed, running my hands through the waterfall that poured beside us._

"_I love you," I murmured, staring into his eyes._

_He pressed his forehead against mine, and gently replied, "I love you."_

_I still couldn't believe this was real. "If I'm dreaming, Carlisle-"_

_He smiled. "Yes?"_

_I laughed with relief, burying my face in his wet neck. "Don't ever wake me up."_


	10. Chapter 10: Ripples In The Water

CHAPTER TEN

"**Hello, Edward," I cheerfully bade, stepping down the stairs.**

**He was sitting on the front porch with the front door wide open. The cold wind licked at my bare legs, and I pressed my skirt down before the material lifted up.**

_**That would be embarrassing**_**, I thought.**

"**Thanks for the consideration."**

**I pressed my lips into a tight line, always somewhat forgetting the fact that Edward could read minds like I could talk. I stepped across the threshold, and sat down on the step above him. I folded my arms across my chest, fingering the pearls around my neck, and staring out at the mist that surrounded the trees.**

**My thoughts drifted to Carlisle again, and I smiled. I thought about how our lips had touched, and how good it felt to be in his arms. We had sparkled in the little rays of available light like two diamonds.**

**I lowered my eyes to Edward, putting my Carlisle thoughts to a halt, and I lifted my eyes to the black sky. That innocent gaze filled my head again, and I smiled gently.**

"**At least I know you love him," Edward sighed.**

**I squeezed his shoulder, lightly giggling. "Sorry about my thoughts, Edward."**

**Edward stood up, and leaned against one of the front porch columns, looking out at the trees. "Don't worry about it, Esme. Maybe, eventually, I'll learn to block your thoughts."**

"**What if mind reading helps one day?"**

"**Hmmm," He thought, narrowing his eyes.**

**I gently smiled. "You might not want to take that for granted, anyway."**

**He lightly chuckled. "What makes you say that?"**

**I thought for a moment, and stopped him, before he read the words in my mind out loud. "You might find someone one day whose mind you **_**can't**_** read."**

**He looked at me strangely for a second, and shook his head. "No. I doubt **_**that**_**."**

**I raised my shoulders in one swift movement, and murmured, "All right." Then, I leaned my head against the right column, content… **_**with thoughts of Carlisle**_**.**

**I wasn't going to push myself towards him like a shopping cart moving at two hundred miles an hour, but I wanted to hear 'love' from his lips as he did yesterday. I always knew Carlisle was compassionate- from the first time I ever met him- but I didn't know he was **_**passionate**_**- unbelievably and most powerfully **_**passionate**_**.**

"_**God**_**," Edward slipped through clenched teeth.**

**I attempted to wipe away the image of sitting in between Carlisle's legs, and kissing the palm of his hand, for poor Edward who graciously murmured, "Would you like to go see him?"**

**I sharply inhaled, and lunged forwards, scaring Edward by hugging him. "Oh- thank you, Edward! Thank you!"**

"**No," he murmured, looking at me as he jumped off of the front porch. His eyes were like a mischievous child's, and I narrowed my eyes- contemplating them. **

"**He already planned to meet us in the forest, anyways." He grinned, nodding towards the forest.**

**I childishly turned my head away from him, but I was so excited that I took off, running into the trees. Edward was so fast, that I didn't even notice he was already ahead of me. He could have been several miles ahead of me, but we both knew that I was the slowest of the troupe, and so he was waiting generously up for me.**

**For a moment, I smiled at Edward, and instead of thinking 'brother', I thought 'son'. I shook it away, and continued to run against the wind- exhilarated and thrilled to see my Carlisle.**

**Sure enough, I saw his lean yet muscular figure standing by a babbling creek, waiting patiently for us- with his lab coat still on.**

**I was caught off guard by his outrageously heavenly looks, and I quickly checked myself to make sure I was still running.**

**I heard Edward chuckle, and I stopped- embarrassed a little.**

**Carlisle nodded towards Edward politely when we stopped, and he patted his back. "Hello, Edward."**

**Then, he looked at me, and I melted. **

**I think he noticed, and he cutely winked at me.**

**No words had to be said. He just had to give me one look.**

**CARLISLE'S P.O.V.**

She didn't have to say a word. She only had to spare me one look of her innocent gaze, and not only was I reminiscing about our time together, but I was thinking about the times I wanted with her. I felt wrong thinking the things about her- I felt shameful- wanting from her in a way that I was feeling for the first time.

Esme was my first love, and I prayed to God for mercy that she would be my one and only. I prayed that she wouldn't change her mind. If she did, then I would accept it, but it would tear at me like nails.

When she looked at me though, I saw eternity in her youthful eyes- in spite of the fact that they were now two black orbs.

I could never explain my love for her. I have been waiting for her for centuries, and I prayed to God that she would continue this happiness just by loving me.

"How did you get of the hospital?" She asked me.

I stepped towards her, keeping my eyes on hers. "I'm coming down with a cold."

Esme musically giggled, and I felt there was an angel within my grasp. "When do youget a cold?"

I took her hand in mind, and raised it to my lips. "Only on special occasions." I kissed her, her soft skin tingling against my mouth.

Was that I was supposed to do? I wanted to move slowly with her. I did not want to overwhelm her.

I knew Esme was strong, but I felt as if she were fragile. She was not a human, but I never wanted her to think I would be like… Charles. I would never ever hurt her as he did- _never._

I pulled her hand to my chest momentarily, and murmured, hoping that I wouldn't sound like a desperate school boy, "I needed to see you."

She tenderly smiled, and she pulled my hand into hers, and stroked my palm. "You can see me whenever you want to."

I heard Edward slightly shift through the grass, and I released her hand.

I spared Edward our special reunion, and turned half way away from her. "Hunting?"

Edward grunted, "Yes."

Edward began to walk, and I followed, glancing behind me to see if Esme was still following. She was, but she was admiring a little lily like she was a little girl.

I watched her for a long time, and noticed how her black eyes faded into a dim gold as she let the flower drop onto the surface of the water. Then, distracted, she knelt down, and touched the surface of the creek with the tips of her dainty fingers, amusing herself.

I stepped back towards her, and knelt down beside her- silent as she continued to tap the water. Watching the ripples spread was soothing, and we both watched them, taking an unnecessary sigh in unison. She reached out a hand, and played with the lily for a moment, stroking the pedals gingerly.

I looked at her face from the corner of my eye- studying her beautiful face.

Her amusement was like a child's, but she had no idea how heavenly she looked.

Esme truly moved me. She moved me deeply. I didn't deserve her, but she wanted me. Yesterday, she had kissed my fingers, and she had let me kiss hers. She had serenely watched me as I stroked the soft skin underneath her knee, and she had let me hold her as we ventured further into the depths of the creek.

She now watched the ripples grow in the water from where she had touched the center. I realized that Esme had touched _my_ center, and she made ripples spread from _me- altering me and affecting me. It was beautiful, though, and I graciously thanked her by giving her a soft kiss on her forehead._

_If only she knew._

_She leaned into me for a moment, still watching the water, and I caringly tucked a caramel curl behind her ear. _

_I turned my head to see Edward gone, and I realized he was done hearing our thoughts. I flashed my eyes back to Esme, and pondered what she was possibly thinking… and if she might be thinking about me._

_As if she had heard me, she turned, and gave me a peck on the lips._


	11. Chapter 11: Memories and Amour Vous

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I folded my arms across my chest, following closely behind Carlisle who cleared the thorny brush in front of me with Edward walking ahead, occasionally brushing his white hands across the wide trunks of the large oak trees. Edward held a mahogany bat in his hands and Carlisle had a few baseballs in his coat pocket.

I found myself slightly frowning- based on the fact that I was burdened with the ability to be just awful in games of any kind. I could work a puzzle or a word game, but physical activity was out of the question. All though, I _was_ somewhat thrilled by the fact of watching Carlisle play baseball. He would be unbelievably perfect at it, I was sure. Not only did he have a wonderful body beyond the average fit man, but he could use his intelligence of anatomy and mathematics to know when to hit the ball, and the right angle to run at to reach the base faster. I giggled at the thought, and Carlisle turned his head slightly to look at me.

His bronze eyes flickered with happiness, and the corner of his mouth lifted into a smile.

As usual when I was with Carlisle, I would have blushed if I were human, and I happily smiled back. I childishly lowered my eyes to the ground, biting my bottom lip slightly. I felt myself grow happier as I caught the vanilla scent being much stronger, and I lifted my eyes from the green ground to see Carlisle walking right beside me. His bronze eyes slightly glanced to see if Edward was looking, and, to his assurance, he slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me to him. So we were practically attached as we followed Edward deeper into the green forest.

I stared at his gorgeous face for a long time, realizing how lucky I was. It was amazing that I was with him- Carlisle- and if I didn't do anything wrong, I'd be spending a long time with him. There was something definite about being with Carlisle, though. Maybe it was the fact that Carlisle's compassion made him a forgiving person, and even if I did make a mistake of myself, he would not abandon me. What blew me away was that Carlisle loved me, and it was so funny how there was this whole other side to him. He was intelligent, smart, organized, and considerate. There was another side to Carlisle that was loving and it was as if he saved me some of his gentleness from the hospital, and would spend several large portions of it on me. Only by merely brushing the skin on my face or wrapping his arm around my waist made me melt, and he treated me like a present when he would come home from the hospital shift.

Carlisle was a present to me as well. Waiting for him to come home was almost miserable. If it wasn't for Edward's mind games and his classical piano entertainment, I would be entirely bored.

If this doesn't sound so entirely embarrassing, I do look in the mirror sometimes. I know that vampires are supposed to be extraordinarily beautiful, but I feel so plain. I do love how my skin is extremely clear, and my eyes are glowing golden orbs, and I am definitely an improvement from my human self. I sometimes did look at the curves on my body, but they only made me sad with thoughts of being pregnant… Ben.

I had grown to forget the sadness of that empty hole, but when I thought about it, I realized that it would never be filled. I would never be pregnant or have a baby.

"What's the matter?"

Carlisle's rich voice consumed my mind suddenly, and I raised my eyes to his.

His eyes were filled with that sad emotion, and I felt my knees grow weak. I never liked seeing him sad. It was often strange to find Carlisle sad. If he was bothered by something, he didn't like showing it. The reason was because he wanted to spare people's happiness. If he was upset about something, he would not tell anyone, because Carlisle didn't want to upset other people.

I gently smiled at him, choosing to spare him. "I'm fine." I always wanted to be truthful, but in this case- "I've never played baseball before." I was a little bit nervous about that. "Occasionally, when I taught school, the children would play, but I only watched."

Carlisle squeezed me reassuringly, and smiled. "You'll be fine, Esme."

"But I can't even swing a bat," I protested childishly.

Edward chuckled from ahead, and Carlisle murmured, "I'll show you."

A romantic fantasy of being in Carlisle's arms with his hands on mine as I held the bat made me inwardly melt, and I heard Edward murmur something along the lines of, "_Just what I need to hear_."

I grinned, and proudly laughed, "_Ha-ha_."

I caught Carlisle slightly smile at our playful exchange, and I giggled. I heard the balls clack together in his coat pocket, and he caught my look there. With his eyes on me, he drew one out of his pocket, and placed it into my hand. I smiled at him, and after staring blankly at it for a moment- hoping that I wouldn't humiliate myself- I began to toss it into the air a little and catch it. One time, it missed my hand and, before I could grab it with the other, Carlisle had already caught it. He rolled it onto my palm, and warmly said, "I believe you might like it."

I gently smiled, and my eyes flashed to Edward who added, "Not that we've had the chance to play the game."

I comically raised an eyebrow, shrugging swiftly. "How do you know how to play then?"

Carlisle's eyes flashed from beside me.

"Carlisle taught me to play," Edward answered.

"I saw the game being played in London a long time ago." As if he was thinking, he narrowed his eyes- but only for a quick moment. Carlisle was smart. "There was an illustration of a game in a publication by a writer named John Newberry- in 1774."

An idea came to me, and I smiled. "Jane Austen mentions it in Northanger Abby, and the main character- Catherine- plays the game, too." I felt intelligent, and it seemed to impress Carlisle.

"I remember that," he added knowingly.

I was surprised by a light chuckle that came from within Edward's throat, and I thought I knew what he was thinking. It was Edward's sort of humor although he was seldom joking around.

I imagined a little voice of Edward in my head, whispering mischievously, "Prefer older men, hmm?"

I lightly giggled, and I felt Carlisle's arm tighten around my waist.

He was so strong. His somewhat large hands were open and without a second thought, I slid my hand into his. My hand looked like a doll's in his, and I adored the look. I felt so dainty with him- so cute.

Edward chuckled from ahead, and I glanced at Carlisle from the corner of my eye to see this look of pure innocence on his face. It was most definitely angelic, and that of a child. I always knew Carlisle was a leader- strong and intelligent- but he was a bit shy. I had also found out- easily- that Carlisle didn't like admitting his feelings- mainly if they were negative. He didn't like to oppress others by his own troubles. He thought it was self-centered.

I thought it was ridiculous, and, by instinct, I squeezed his hand.

I broke through his shy state, and caught his eyes in mine.

I heard the baseballs clack together in his coat pocket, and I remembered the task at hand. Then, I realized how strong Carlisle was- _again_. Then, I looked at Edward. _Yes_- he was young- but he was a vampire. Both of them were incredibly strong and fast. I was, too.

I began to wonder if our little game would be- _well_- a little loud.

"Can I ask you two a question?" I said, breaking the silence between us three.

Edward slightly turned his head towards me, and the two men exchanged glances.

It was Carlisle who spoke first- as a teacher to me. "We take precaution, Esme. There is a fairly small storm arriving any moment." Then, he proudly concluded, "The thunder will be our cover. Our swings will only be sounds of the storm."

I hesitated for a moment- slightly frightened. "_Hits?_" I saw Edward's eyes laugh in the sunlight. "Am _I _going _to bat_?"

Carlisle smiled, squeezing me gently. "_Only if you want to_."

I began to protest, but I caught myself.

_Only if you want to_.

That was one of the many things I loved about Carlisle. It was his patience. If only he knew how much of a bastion he was to me- in so many ways. Not only did he love me, but he was my hero. He had changed me in the morgue that night with grace. This life was no burden or pain. It was happiness in another chance that I was oh so lucky to have. Now, as long as that meant a life with Carlisle, eternity didn't seem long enough. Carlisle was my hero. I wanted to tell him that, but I didn't want to sound silly.

To Carlisle- nothing sounded silly or ridiculous. If I would have ever spoken of such things to Charles, he would have cast me back into the darkness- condemning me as the… _damned stupid girl_.

He ruined _everything_.

I inwardly cringed.

"Here's the clearing, Carlisle," Edward called, breaking into my stormy thoughts.

Speaking of stormy, little droplets of rain were beginning to slowly and gradually fall.

I loved rain, and it soothed me.

I could not think of Charles anymore. I wouldn't let myself.

I glanced at Carlisle who slid off his white lab coat, and hung it over a branch. His crisp blue shirt was wrinkled from where I had leaned against him, and he cast me a beautiful glance that sent me melting like butter in the sun. He was absolutely gorgeous and absolutely real- standing only a few feet away from me. His bronze eyes were laughing, but they suddenly narrowed.

I was frowning- _deeply_- I realized, and I relaxed it into a smooth smile.

"What's the matter, Esme?" He murmured so silently, but I could still hear his voice.

I would not upset Carlisle. I would never tell him how much I hated the matter that I married a monster. I could never explain the pain and the hurt of Charles shattering my innocence, and turning my dreams into ashes. He had made that lively girly fire within me cease to exist, and all that was left was black ashes- blowing in the dark wind around me in gloomy swirls.

I stepped towards Carlisle- gently smiling at him.

I would tell Carlisle that he was turning that ash into soil, and it was already blooming flowers.

When I looked into Carlisle's eyes this time, there was hope- as there had always been. Most importantly, there was love, and only after a few days of professing it, we had become strong- like man and wife.

I was dying to know when Carlisle would ask me. I wasn't trying to be a spoiled child, but I wanted him oh so badly to ask me- to propose to me. I wanted it to be official, yet at the same time, I didn't care all that much. I loved him, and I would give _everything_ to him. Carlisle was a traditional man, though, and I knew that he would marry me before he would do anything to me.

That thought gave me invisible chills, and they got even heavier as Carlisle placed a tender kiss on the top of my head.

"Do you still wish to play?"

I hesitated, after watching Edward perfectly hit a ball with a bat, and being momentarily stunned by the crack of lightning that thundered as he did. I knew though that _he _was creating the thunder. I watched the ball fly across the clearing- invisible to human eyes, for sure.

All of the sudden, Carlisle took off from beside me, running in an incredible blur across the green field into the dark trees.

I waited- enjoying this.

Edward waited, the bat still in his hand, and he turned to look at me. I made a sweet smile at him, but I saw that he was upset- _about what?_

Oh- of course- he could hear me- _about Charles_.

"Yes, I did, Esme."

I lowered my eyes to the ground for a moment, then replied, "It's so hard to not think about it." I lifted my eyes, feeling like a child crying. "I am not ungrateful for you two. Carlisle has saved me, and has changed me." I felt myself grow colder than I was. "I just can't-"

Edward shook his head once. "You can't let that _monster_ linger, Esme."

There was so much passion in his voice, as I was becoming emotional. Edward cared so much, and I seemed so oblivious to it. In spite of his silence, he thought about me. Of course he can't help it- hearing what I'm babbling about in my mind all the time. It was easy to cope with someone when they knew what you were thinking. Edward and I would get along well. There were no lies between us. I understood that Edward had probably read many people's minds, and I respected him for that.

I wish I could tell Carlisle about the pain, though. He knew about Charles, but I couldn't explain everything to him. I wanted to- I wanted to sob into his shoulder- to release the misery bottled up in my head and body. I just couldn't tell Carlisle those filthy and distraught things, but how could I not?

"Carlisle understands," Edward confirmed to me.

Hope swelled up inside of me, and after catching sight of Carlisle running in a blur back to the center of the field- I watched him pitch the ball right at Edward. Edward caught the ball in his fist, crookedly grinning.

I smiled at the two, and felt courage rise within me.

As I stepped towards Edward with the bat in his hand, he nodded acknowledging me. I felt as if my problem had been slightly solved. I also felt confidence as Edward gave me that bat, and stepped away. I giggled, and was caught in Carlisle's gaze.

He held the baseball in his hand, eying me. But he looked a bit nervous- tense.

I waited- putting myself in that 'baseball batting' stance- knees slightly bent, and bat held back over my shoulder. I probably looked silly, but- _no- think positive thoughts- for now._

Carlisle continued his long pause, his eyes narrowed.

Then, Edward said, "She'll be fine."

I was instantly touched. Carlisle was worried about hurting me, somehow. I felt the unnecessary breath caught in my throat from the sheepish smile he flashed me, and I reassuringly winked back.

Then, he pitched the ball- once again, incredibly fast- and watching it near me in a blur, I swung the wooden bat- with confidence.

The thunder roared in my ears as I watched the ball fly in a straight line into the trees- barely buzzing his face.

I threw my hands across my mouth- scared to death.

If he hadn't stepped back, I could have hurt him. I mean- he wouldn't have been in bad pain, since he's a vampire, but I knew a little bit of the newborn still lingered in me. If he was human, he would have had a broken face.

Edward was already in the trees- fetching the ball- and I stared- wide eyed- at Zeus' younger, much more better-looking brother.

"Are you all right?" I shrilled- in spite of the digestion of thoughts I just had.

Carlisle lightly chuckled. "Based on that swing, you have definitely played before."

I giggled, feeling better- because of him. "I promise that I have never played."

He mischievously raised one eyebrow. "You promise?"

I hesitated, and whispered, "There are no lies between us."

After a moment, I felt the emotions well up in me again, and Carlisle saw it on my face. He was at my side in an instant, and he had my face in his chest as I embarrassingly cried all over him.

Everything seemed so blurry for this instant. All I saw was Charles' face, and that night of our wedding- that most horrible night. Then I saw the beating and the cursing. I felt the cringing and the fists in my ribs.

I clawed at Carlisle's shirt, and soaked his shoulder as he pulled me off of the ground, and cradled me against him.

"It's Charles," I heard Edward whisper.

A noise came from Carlisle's mouth, and it was a hiss.

I clung tighter to Carlisle as he ran me back to the house, and the rain began to pour upon us all.

* * *

I sat on the sofa in his office, with my head on his chest- still sobbing. It was rather soft crying because I did not have to breathe between tears.

They still inwardly shook me though, and Carlisle's hold on me was fast.

"What is the matter, Esme?" he worriedly asked, managing to pull my face away from his chest to face his. "_Please_, what's wrong?"

I shook my head, wiping the tears away with a swipe of my hand. "It's nothing."

I was surprised by the hint of anger in his voice as he moaned, "It's not nothing when I feel like I'm about to die, Esme."

I looked him straight in the eye, and sadly listened as his tone became desperate and sad.

I didn't want to see him like this. My emotions always get the best of me. We were having fun with the baseball game, until I started bawling- until I thought about Char- that… monster… Charles.

"Esme- I know you are thinking about Charles."

There was cold silence, as I clenched his shirt in my fingers. All I could taste was my salty tears soaking the fabric of his clothing, and all I could hear was the rain beating against the glass.

"Esme," he murmured, gently lifting my face from his shoulder. His eyes looked incredibly sad, and I had never seen anyone so worried- for me- in… forever.

He continued, his voice caressing me, yet filling me with sadness. "Charles is no longer in your life… not when I'm here." He looked deeply into my eyes. "Charles no longer exist. You do- and you are thriving well with it, Esme- but you cannot thoroughly move on until you rid yourself of this…" He cringed slightly.- "this waking nightmare."

I felt defeat as I replied in a weak whisper, "I wish I could forget him."

Carlisle caringly brushed a few long curls of hair from my face, and strongly murmured, "You can do anything, Esme. You have that power, and it's up to you to use it."

His words gripped me in a powerful caress, and I found myself lightly nodding in spite of the sadness within me that still lingered.

Would I say what had to be said? Would I let it all out?

The memories of all of the pain and pure misery raged through my mind in torrents of ashes and… blood stained nightgowns. I felt an invisible tremble shake my bottom lip, and more tears ran down my face. I sobbed once more, and Carlisle instantly pulled me to him, letting me bury my face in his neck.

I never actually felt frozen- as our bodies were meant to feel… but, now, I felt as if I had been buried in snow.

Charles made me feel that way- cold and dead.

"This is killing me," he suddenly and painfully murmured, holding me tighter to him. "I can't stand to see you this way, Esme. I have seen terrible things, Esme- disgusting things through centuries of the world. I have seen the most acutest kinds of pain, war, tragedy, and the most filthy impacts the world can put on one another." He tilted my chin up again, and added sadly, "I can't stand this. I can't stand seeing you this way. I hate that I can't do anything about it. I can't watch you cry, Esme. To hold you- yes. You do not speak, though, and it- it troubles me beyond what you think."

I wiped the tears away swiftly, and murmured hesitantly, "Do you want to know what I am thinking?"

After a moment passed of Carlisle looking at the glass of the window- holding my hands now- he murmured, "Only if you wish."

I lowered my wet eyes to the floor, and whispered, "No one would listen. I tried telling my mother, but she insisted that I stay silent." The words sounded so much more painful out loud. "She believed that if I left Charles, there would be rumors in the town. I didn't care what anyone said. I just wanted to be away from him." Tears filled my eyes again as if I could feel the pain inflicted upon me from dirty hands once again. "Charles was… cruel… and incredibly… heartless. The violence he inflicted upon me was… his joy. The-" I paused, the cold strangling me, now- "The things he forced me to do- I can never… ever tell you."

Carlisle listened. I didn't know if he was intent on it, and I knew he was not particularly enjoying the story I was telling him.

I wasn't, but I knew once it was all done, I would never ever repeat it.

He was paying attention, but when I had glanced over at him, there was a painful emotion in his eyes that made me restrain from continuing.

I went on though in the dreary silence to break it."The night of our wedding- Carlisle… I was a girl- young and… happy. I was certain that I didn't love Charles. Charles was the son of my father's closest friend, and he worked at a bank- receiving an agreeable amount of money each year." My voice grew tight. "I didn't want to marry him, but I did. I was not in love, but I thought if I gave it time, I would grow to love him." I slightly flinched- an invisible movement to human eyes. "Carlisle, there was no love. There was only pain and…" I felt like that Esme Platt from so long ago as I weakly murmured, "I was so scared of what would come from the days after our wedding night. I knew there was something wrong, but- I didn't know if it was just my nerves."

I looked back at Carlisle who sat beside me, his eyes rested on his desk. His hand was squeezing both of mine, and I knew I would have choked on my own throat as I saw a small water droplet roll across his cheek.

Tears ran down my face as I wrapped my arms around him, and he wrapped his arm around my waist. He pulled me onto his lap, and kissed the top of my head tenderly yet with strength. His hold was lovingly tight on me, and I was consumed with a new hope as I buried my face in his neck.

I spoke with a new strength that had quickly risen from within me as I said into his ear, "It's all gone, now, though. Carlisle, you have changed that. You saved me. You found me and…"

"_You found me_," he beautifully interrupted.

Tears- tears of joy- trickled across my lips as I kissed him on the jaw line. "I never thought I would find you, Dr. Cullen."

I knew he was warmly smiling as he pulled me closer against him, and kissed me on my forehead sweetly. Then, he had me in front of his face, but I was disappointed to see that sadness displayed on his gorgeous alabaster face with his bronze eyes glistening with tears.

"Esme- I am going to make you a promise- and I want you tell me if you believe it- _will you?_"

I eagerly nodded. "I do."

He paused- as if the words had made a slight impact upon him. Then, he whispered, "I would never- _ever_- hurt you, Esme." After a long moment where only a long stare was between us, he lovingly added, "If you'll love me, I'll prove to you that I am not Charles. I am a man who would fight every demon of hell before they even cast a singly look at you. I would find every jewel on the face of the earth, and collect every star from the sky for you. I would always look after you- in whatever we do. No one can ever love you more than I do- _no one_. It's impossible, and the idea is extraordinary."

Tears trickled once more as he added, "I am a traditional man, Esme… and I am going to do something I never believed I would do in all of the life I have lived."

I watched, holding my mouth, as he gently placed my hands back on my lap, and moved from the couch. Then, he knelt down before me, and I lovingly giggled- fighting the urge to cry out all the happiness in the world.

"Esme- I do not deserve you." His bronze eyes were so innocent and angelic as he murmured, "But I want to." After nervously lowering his eyes for a moment, he lifted them again, and my expression made him lightly smile.

"Will you have me?"

"I-" I instantly flung myself at him, and we rolled across the floor, lightly laughing. He chuckled, rolling over on his back. I leaned up from beside him, holding his hand to my cheek as he pulled that beautiful, heavenly object from his pants' pocket. He took my hand into his, and rolled the shiny jewel onto my palm.

I warmly looked at him, then looked at most glorious item that rested softly on my palm.

It was a pearl- a tiny, simple one- the kind I adored. It had small, beautiful diamonds embedded into it though, and I found that my mouth was embarrassingly hanging open.

I realized that when I saw him grinning most adorably at me.

"I don't know what to say," I babbled. "It is so beautiful, Carlisle. What-"

He held my chin between his thumb and index finger, and murmured, "Say you love me…. That's all you have to do."

My eyes glimmered with happy tears. "I love you…. And that's all I want."

He wiped a tear away from beside the corner of my lips. "You are all I could ever ask for."

I gently smiled as he murmured, "_Amour vous_," and gracefully slid the ring onto my marriage finger.


End file.
